That said, I'm wondering if it might be a good idea to return. An older, sadder, and quite possibly not wiser person.
Whaddya think, one and a half readers?
On this, the first day of my new life…
45 minutes ago
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Decisions, decisions
Frankly, the only reason this blog still exists is because of the blog links on the side. It helps me keep up with the blogs I read.
Monday, September 27, 2010
a comeback post? i hardly think so.
I am not sure if this means I am coming back to blogging. Last few months (eight? nine?) have been interesting, to say the least, and whatever I write nowadays is usually too angsty, too personal. But this particular note amused me while writing it. And what the heck, this still is MY blog. So. Yeah.
Tell me if you agree/ disagree/ add more points. I'd love to know.
Things I wish guys knew, at least when it comes to asking me out:
1) Know your English really, really well. PLEASE do not try faking an accent. It never does come out right. Unless you’re British and you have the genuine accent, which if true, when can I move in with you? :P
2) Be patient with the fact that I am often nervous around new people. I like to think I am witty, but it takes a while to come up to the surface, smothered as it is by masses of roiling anxiety.
3) Please have a small ego. Or at least learn to keep it under control. Don’t behave like a prick who thinks egos are the exclusive domain of guys. I have a not inconsiderable one. If you can’t deal with it, please show yourself out. Now.
4) Please, please, please be bright. I can be nice to dumb people, I can be their friend, too, but I can’t respect them. Ever. And what’s a relationship without respect?
5) Please be able to laugh at yourself. I laugh at myself all the time. It’s better to find myself amusing before the rest of the world gets a stitch in its side.
6) PLEASE DO NOT BE PUSHY. I can’t stress this enough. I’ve had my fill of stalker-whiney types who have no idea just what a LOSER it makes them sound like. If you do not have other plans or friends, I AM going to wonder just why you don’t have them. Please don’t work harder to strengthen this suspicion. I’d cut you off so quick that you’ll fall.
7) Have your own space. Respect mine. Share at least a few interests. Please read!
8) Don’t be crazy possessive. A little bit, okay. Puts spice in every relationship. But a little. Tread carefully here. It ties in well with point number 6 and rings every alarm bell in my head.
9) Nice looking? Dapper? Nice smile?
10) I’d listen. But please, TRY to listen to me too. Men are crappy listeners. I’d be happy if you prove me wrong, really.
11) Have a nice open relationship with your family. I can’t understand people who turn away from parents. Well, I am probably biased because mine are laidback, but still, if the first relationships in your life aren’t good, how do you plan to move on from there?
12) Don’t treat me like a princess. Treat me like an equal who has a brain and an opinion.
13) Respect my need to take a long long time before I am comfortable with the thought of you paying my way. I like my independence. Don’t let it threaten you.
14) Cuddle and kiss me, and let me know that I AM beautiful and perfect and all that you’ve ever wanted on the bad hair/backache/bloody horrible mood days. And say it like you mean it. Those are the days I’d need to know it, you know?
15) No lying. Ever. Big ones, little ones. Especially the little ones. In that case, I would show you out. And not very gently, at that.
Check, check, check? We have a winner here! :D
No wonder I am doooooomed when it comes to matters of the heart!
Sunday, November 8, 2009
still alive (and kickin'? ummm...)
i do NOT get why educational institutes have to block blogger. like, what harm does it do? all the time i save from blogging goes youtube-wards!
to return to the topic at hand. i am ALIVE. yes. and i am finally back to blogging cause...guess what, my semester exams start in a couple of days and OF COURSE i need to do something apart from looking at the pile of notes accumulating on my table ;)
what i have been doing lately would include-
realizing that am never ever gonna have friends like i did back in college. sigh. i do not gel well with my class. apart from a few. most are either nerds or just plain weird.
i did not at all realize the enormity of my slight switch in subject. now i do, and not in a good way.
this area being slightly rural-ish, the men are straight out 19th century. fairer skin+jeans+being found talking and laughing with guys= LOTS of sniggering and unwelcome attention. grrrrrr.
i am OBSESSED with cleanliness. i really am. i have washed clothes and swept my room while running a temperature, simply because i couldn't bear the sight/thought of the dust/dirt.my side of the room is PRISTINE. roomie's side looks slightly avalanche-hit at most times. methinks i shall make an AMAZING wife :P (husband's gotta know how to cook, however)
hostel food really is the pits. or at least it was, but the new mess is much much better. anything would taste better after rice and dal everyday for more than two weeks! the upside is, i have lost weight without trying \m/
i can get along with roommates. in fact, i get along with my roomie so well that neither of us can remember when we last studied properly without getting into a long animated discussion about everything starting from the awful guys here, to arthur miller and marylin monroe. ( i LOVE the fact that she's majoring in english. gives me a second hand connection to the subject i sorely miss). and the midnight binges are awesome fun. we're the only owls in the entire wing, would you believe. people here are BORING.
staying alive has been a problem in itself. i have had two could-have-been-fatal accidents already. hit a divider, fell off my cycle in front a bus (you don't really wanna know what i injured in the process.) which stopped inches from me(being fat=being noticed. comes in handy sometimes) and the other time, the auto i was coming back from town in hit a bus and FLIPPED. yep. i still get the heebie-jeebies when i think about it. escaped with just bruises though. am scared of buses now :(
i miss bangalore/college/friend/my sis and BIL. a LOT.staying away from parents isn't something new,but being away from all family, ANY family, is :( ah well, bangalore's just 7 hours away *grins*
i love love LOVE the beach/boulevard/restaurants/all the shopping that's to be done in the town. cheers me up like nothing else.
i am both lazy and stupid. not only do i not study my own subjects, i have also taken on four extra subjects for an add-on diploma. some more notes to ignore, really.
few things hurt as much as the knowledge that someone you really care for is in a lot of pain, and you are too far away to help.
how goeth things at your end?
PS: i notice my last post had a couple of troll-ish comments. quite an amusing experience, really. haven't had one before *waves to trollees* thanks! ;)
Friday, July 17, 2009
what's so super about superstition?
*warning: long, boring and generally pointless post ahead*
i am one of those people whose best side is the virtual side. i am much more at ease when hiding behind the safety of my laptop screen. with real life, i tend to struggle a lot more, with the sort of awkward shyness which many mistake for arrogance (i remember mentioning this somewhere on this blog somewhere before). i don't mind this much, cause people who still make the effort to know and befriend me are very, very precious, but it is a contrast to my earlier talktative, garrulous self. now, that avatar is rather rare, and some of my old friends have bluntly called me "boring, now". oh well *shrugs*
so, what really was i trying to tell you? am not much of a people person. right.
so, staying in a PG was an adventure of sorts. with two roomies who were both much older than me. one of them had a physical handicap which made her gait slightly lopsided. and another was a quietish person, who minded her own business and worked long hours. i quite liked the latter. the former, oh well!
it IS rather trying to be woken up almost every day by the snarls of a roomie. nothing pleased her. the food was inedible, and often suspected of being "impure", by which i suppose she meant non-veg (i am not saying it was michelin star rated cooking. but it was okay. and no PG owner would give you non-veg without taking extra money for the same! :P). there was a daily squabble over who'd go take a bath first. i usually wound up being the last one (since i was not being paid for the internship, the in/out times were a lot relaxed for me) and having to do with a bucket of water, after which the taps inevitably ran dry. she belittled my stint there, whatever i was learning with an intolerable been-there-done-that-what's-the-big-deal attitude, and was incredulous to know that i got a certificate for the time i spent in lab (well, nobody was paying me like you, darling), called people who loved dance as "nachaniya"s, which was a remarkably tactful thing to say to someone who can't imagine life without dance, and has completed a graduation in the same :) and was generally obnoxious. after a while i took to long walks till dinnertime, and post return, kept my headphones firmly plugged in my ears to shut out her talk about how her boss was out to "get her". i owe peace to my headphones. otherwise, we really might've had One Big Battle.
but what really got me fuming was a conversation we had once, post dinner.
she was going to start a new series of "vrats"- every thursday, she had to wear yellow, have yellow food, go tie something at the temple and pray (if i may add, to the accompaniment of LOUD bhajans playing on her phone). the family pandit had advised her to carry out for a few weeks (i forget how many) and couriered her the "pooja ka samaan" (there's a pun here that only i can understand, so, haha) i do not belong to a religious family, and was mystified about the point of this colour coded fast. so i asked her, whatever for do you have to act all jaundiced every week? she gave a rather long and involved reply, but the upshot was- to catch a man.
ah, right. pity it never occured to me.
that started off an animated discussion about the different fasts and all the miracles they bring about. i was bored and was about to leave when she suddenly asked why i didn't have a brother? um, isn't that a question for my parents. and how does it matter? no, she just wondered why they never tried?
TRIED? oh, bite me.
then she told me all about how wise the pandit was. when she was born, he checked her head and predicted that the next baby would be a boy. it was. and it was also a miscarriage. what a shame he couldn't predict that. he ALSO told her the Quick Sex Determination Test- if the baby's giving trouble in utero, it's probably a girl. she wound up by telling me that she devoutly hoped to never have daughters. i wasn't surprised. who wants trouble right from the beginning?
it isn't like i haven't come across superstitions before. or discrimination. but it always amazes me to see WOMEN acting like this. i could excuse the bias in a child/uneducated person. but she has a clutch of degrees. all in BIOLOGY, no less. the same subject taught me how the gender of a foetus is determined, way back in class nine. i don't remember head examination or a pandit as a part of that lesson.
it scares me- this mindlessness in the name of religion. what's the point of education if the basic mindset remains of the nineteenth century? thank goodness i grew up in the family i did.
speaking of religion, something rather funny happened while i was returning from chandigarh to delhi to visit my sister before coming to kolkata. it was quite a job lifting two insanely heavy suitcases, backpack, a laptop bag, and myself (i took a solemn oath when i had to repeat the entire process in reverse at the delhi station, as my brother-in-law was late- i am travelling light in the future! it was less clothes vis-a-vis a broken back :P) into the compartment, and making sure i didn't break any limbs in the process. after finally managing to stow everything away, i got my music player out. my co-passenger was an elderly Sikh man, and the window seat was empty. the next hour was divided between having coffee, answering anxious calls (mostly about the safety of the damn luggage than me. hmph) and listening to music. which is when i realized that Old Man was staring at me. intently.
this is the transcript of our conversation
OM: what are you doing, beti?
me: i just finished with graduation uncleji. i'd start with my MSc soon.
OM: you studied in english medium?
me(slightly startled): yes. why?
OM: can you please translate something fom hindi to english for me?
me: yes, sure.
OM: aam ke aam gutliyon ke daam
me: !
OM: nahin hoga tumse?
me(is it a joke? is it a trick question? why is he bugging me?): uncle, yeh to muhavra hai. direct translation karne ka fayda nahin.
OM: itna bhi nahin ho paaya. agar tum padhai aur ram naam par dhyaan deti, gaane sunne ke jagah, to tumhari zindagi me sudhaar aa jata.
me: !!!
he also gave me this interesting tidbit- vishwaas in hindi is the combination of two words. in two different languages. vish meaning poison. waas, meaning wash in english. did you know this is a potent word to "wash away all the poison in us using dharma"? did you? yes, you can thank me for this trivia.
by the time he started off a general lecture on the degenerate modern generation, the window seat passenger had come. she was a pleasant woman who was a mother to two young boys, and she had done her PhD on folk arts in rajasthan. we kept up a spirited and LOUD conversation throughout the journey :)
people, i tell you!
PS: i found this post slightly spiteful, especially when i think of the last day when my roomie gave me a pretty birthday gift and tried to laugh away the tremor in her voice when she said she couldn't find someone who'd marry her. is it possible that her handicap made her so bitter? if that is so, it is very sad. but my grouse about superstitions remains.
PPS: since there's no telling when am going to write again (soon, i hope), i am going to pondicherry university to do my MSc in Ecology and Environmental Science. i am looking forward to the experience :) though am unable to figure out whether it's the course or the beach or the fact that now i can finally learn french properly, that has gotten me all excited :D
also, i turned a green old twenty one late last month. wish me. NOW! :P
i am one of those people whose best side is the virtual side. i am much more at ease when hiding behind the safety of my laptop screen. with real life, i tend to struggle a lot more, with the sort of awkward shyness which many mistake for arrogance (i remember mentioning this somewhere on this blog somewhere before). i don't mind this much, cause people who still make the effort to know and befriend me are very, very precious, but it is a contrast to my earlier talktative, garrulous self. now, that avatar is rather rare, and some of my old friends have bluntly called me "boring, now". oh well *shrugs*
so, what really was i trying to tell you? am not much of a people person. right.
so, staying in a PG was an adventure of sorts. with two roomies who were both much older than me. one of them had a physical handicap which made her gait slightly lopsided. and another was a quietish person, who minded her own business and worked long hours. i quite liked the latter. the former, oh well!
it IS rather trying to be woken up almost every day by the snarls of a roomie. nothing pleased her. the food was inedible, and often suspected of being "impure", by which i suppose she meant non-veg (i am not saying it was michelin star rated cooking. but it was okay. and no PG owner would give you non-veg without taking extra money for the same! :P). there was a daily squabble over who'd go take a bath first. i usually wound up being the last one (since i was not being paid for the internship, the in/out times were a lot relaxed for me) and having to do with a bucket of water, after which the taps inevitably ran dry. she belittled my stint there, whatever i was learning with an intolerable been-there-done-that-what's-the-big-deal attitude, and was incredulous to know that i got a certificate for the time i spent in lab (well, nobody was paying me like you, darling), called people who loved dance as "nachaniya"s, which was a remarkably tactful thing to say to someone who can't imagine life without dance, and has completed a graduation in the same :) and was generally obnoxious. after a while i took to long walks till dinnertime, and post return, kept my headphones firmly plugged in my ears to shut out her talk about how her boss was out to "get her". i owe peace to my headphones. otherwise, we really might've had One Big Battle.
but what really got me fuming was a conversation we had once, post dinner.
she was going to start a new series of "vrats"- every thursday, she had to wear yellow, have yellow food, go tie something at the temple and pray (if i may add, to the accompaniment of LOUD bhajans playing on her phone). the family pandit had advised her to carry out for a few weeks (i forget how many) and couriered her the "pooja ka samaan" (there's a pun here that only i can understand, so, haha) i do not belong to a religious family, and was mystified about the point of this colour coded fast. so i asked her, whatever for do you have to act all jaundiced every week? she gave a rather long and involved reply, but the upshot was- to catch a man.
ah, right. pity it never occured to me.
that started off an animated discussion about the different fasts and all the miracles they bring about. i was bored and was about to leave when she suddenly asked why i didn't have a brother? um, isn't that a question for my parents. and how does it matter? no, she just wondered why they never tried?
TRIED? oh, bite me.
then she told me all about how wise the pandit was. when she was born, he checked her head and predicted that the next baby would be a boy. it was. and it was also a miscarriage. what a shame he couldn't predict that. he ALSO told her the Quick Sex Determination Test- if the baby's giving trouble in utero, it's probably a girl. she wound up by telling me that she devoutly hoped to never have daughters. i wasn't surprised. who wants trouble right from the beginning?
it isn't like i haven't come across superstitions before. or discrimination. but it always amazes me to see WOMEN acting like this. i could excuse the bias in a child/uneducated person. but she has a clutch of degrees. all in BIOLOGY, no less. the same subject taught me how the gender of a foetus is determined, way back in class nine. i don't remember head examination or a pandit as a part of that lesson.
it scares me- this mindlessness in the name of religion. what's the point of education if the basic mindset remains of the nineteenth century? thank goodness i grew up in the family i did.
speaking of religion, something rather funny happened while i was returning from chandigarh to delhi to visit my sister before coming to kolkata. it was quite a job lifting two insanely heavy suitcases, backpack, a laptop bag, and myself (i took a solemn oath when i had to repeat the entire process in reverse at the delhi station, as my brother-in-law was late- i am travelling light in the future! it was less clothes vis-a-vis a broken back :P) into the compartment, and making sure i didn't break any limbs in the process. after finally managing to stow everything away, i got my music player out. my co-passenger was an elderly Sikh man, and the window seat was empty. the next hour was divided between having coffee, answering anxious calls (mostly about the safety of the damn luggage than me. hmph) and listening to music. which is when i realized that Old Man was staring at me. intently.
this is the transcript of our conversation
OM: what are you doing, beti?
me: i just finished with graduation uncleji. i'd start with my MSc soon.
OM: you studied in english medium?
me(slightly startled): yes. why?
OM: can you please translate something fom hindi to english for me?
me: yes, sure.
OM: aam ke aam gutliyon ke daam
me: !
OM: nahin hoga tumse?
me(is it a joke? is it a trick question? why is he bugging me?): uncle, yeh to muhavra hai. direct translation karne ka fayda nahin.
OM: itna bhi nahin ho paaya. agar tum padhai aur ram naam par dhyaan deti, gaane sunne ke jagah, to tumhari zindagi me sudhaar aa jata.
me: !!!
he also gave me this interesting tidbit- vishwaas in hindi is the combination of two words. in two different languages. vish meaning poison. waas, meaning wash in english. did you know this is a potent word to "wash away all the poison in us using dharma"? did you? yes, you can thank me for this trivia.
by the time he started off a general lecture on the degenerate modern generation, the window seat passenger had come. she was a pleasant woman who was a mother to two young boys, and she had done her PhD on folk arts in rajasthan. we kept up a spirited and LOUD conversation throughout the journey :)
people, i tell you!
PS: i found this post slightly spiteful, especially when i think of the last day when my roomie gave me a pretty birthday gift and tried to laugh away the tremor in her voice when she said she couldn't find someone who'd marry her. is it possible that her handicap made her so bitter? if that is so, it is very sad. but my grouse about superstitions remains.
PPS: since there's no telling when am going to write again (soon, i hope), i am going to pondicherry university to do my MSc in Ecology and Environmental Science. i am looking forward to the experience :) though am unable to figure out whether it's the course or the beach or the fact that now i can finally learn french properly, that has gotten me all excited :D
also, i turned a green old twenty one late last month. wish me. NOW! :P
Sunday, June 14, 2009
MIA again
i am in chandigarh. working on .... something (er, more like watching others work... but we'll not split hairs here, okay??) staying in a PG for the first time, and wishing there was someone else was of my age (some are much older, and some much younger) the place am interning in stopped taking in trainees from this year (they made an exception for me since i applied early, or something ). consequence: i am a novelty for everyone including the security, the PhD students, and the profs (aap kaun ho ji? aap yahan kya kar rahe ho ji? aapko kaise le liya ji? aapka naam kya hai ji? uffff!)
also, am very homesick,and rather sick of vegetarian food too. ditto for tea. does chandigarh have no CCD's at all? if you know some place in this city which serves decent coffee, please let me know. i'd bless you!
and this is what all the scientific education/experience results in :)
She was angry
He knew it, and was
wondering how best to appease her
She sat, perched on the big window ledge
Head purposefully turned away from him,
Facing the fireball of the setting sun.
Her posture stiff, unyielding.
"My, she is gorgeous!"
"I am in deep trouble."
I never wanted to hurt you, darling,
I am so sorry I didn't wake you before leaving,
But he was in trouble, and he needed my help.
I won't ever do it again.
Please forgive me.
But he knew, she heard nothing.
After watching her in that unforgiving stance for a while,
he walked up to her,
Turned her face around,
smiled,
Caught his ears and shook his head.
Her stance crumpled, and she held him close,
all the worry, the love, the resentment
seeping through.
As she looked, he gestured,
She smiled,
Those lovely, soundless lips,
and signed back.
"I love you, too."
can someone suggest of an appropriate title for this? thanks!
and i am trying to keep up with y'all. unfortunately the lab computers don't run orkut/blogspot (comes under the head of "kidswastingtime" when tried) would try to catch up soon :)
cheerio
also, am very homesick,and rather sick of vegetarian food too. ditto for tea. does chandigarh have no CCD's at all? if you know some place in this city which serves decent coffee, please let me know. i'd bless you!
and this is what all the scientific education/experience results in :)
She was angry
He knew it, and was
wondering how best to appease her
She sat, perched on the big window ledge
Head purposefully turned away from him,
Facing the fireball of the setting sun.
Her posture stiff, unyielding.
"My, she is gorgeous!"
"I am in deep trouble."
I never wanted to hurt you, darling,
I am so sorry I didn't wake you before leaving,
But he was in trouble, and he needed my help.
I won't ever do it again.
Please forgive me.
But he knew, she heard nothing.
After watching her in that unforgiving stance for a while,
he walked up to her,
Turned her face around,
smiled,
Caught his ears and shook his head.
Her stance crumpled, and she held him close,
all the worry, the love, the resentment
seeping through.
As she looked, he gestured,
She smiled,
Those lovely, soundless lips,
and signed back.
"I love you, too."
can someone suggest of an appropriate title for this? thanks!
and i am trying to keep up with y'all. unfortunately the lab computers don't run orkut/blogspot (comes under the head of "kidswastingtime" when tried) would try to catch up soon :)
cheerio
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
