pseudo intellectual

Decisions, decisions

2012-01-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

Frankly, the only reason this blog still exists is because of the blog links on the side. It helps me keep up with the blogs I read.

That said, I'm wondering if it might be a good idea to return. An older, sadder, and quite possibly not wiser person.

Whaddya think, one and a half readers?

a comeback post? i hardly think so.

2010-09-27T01:31:00.000-07:00

I am not sure if this means I am coming back to blogging. Last few months (eight? nine?) have been interesting, to say the least, and whatever I write nowadays is usually too angsty, too personal. But this particular note amused me while writing it. And what the heck, this still is MY blog. So. Yeah.

Tell me if you agree/ disagree/ add more points. I'd love to know.

Things I wish guys knew, at least when it comes to asking me out:

1) Know your English really, really well. PLEASE do not try faking an accent. It never does come out right. Unless you’re British and you have the genuine accent, which if true, when can I move in with you? :P

2) Be patient with the fact that I am often nervous around new people. I like to think I am witty, but it takes a while to come up to the surface, smothered as it is by masses of roiling anxiety.

3) Please have a small ego. Or at least learn to keep it under control. Don’t behave like a prick who thinks egos are the exclusive domain of guys. I have a not inconsiderable one. If you can’t deal with it, please show yourself out. Now.

4) Please, please, please be bright. I can be nice to dumb people, I can be their friend, too, but I can’t respect them. Ever. And what’s a relationship without respect?

5) Please be able to laugh at yourself. I laugh at myself all the time. It’s better to find myself amusing before the rest of the world gets a stitch in its side.

6) PLEASE DO NOT BE PUSHY. I can’t stress this enough. I’ve had my fill of stalker-whiney types who have no idea just what a LOSER it makes them sound like. If you do not have other plans or friends, I AM going to wonder just why you don’t have them. Please don’t work harder to strengthen this suspicion. I’d cut you off so quick that you’ll fall.

7) Have your own space. Respect mine. Share at least a few interests. Please read!

8) Don’t be crazy possessive. A little bit, okay. Puts spice in every relationship. But a little. Tread carefully here. It ties in well with point number 6 and rings every alarm bell in my head.

9) Nice looking? Dapper? Nice smile?

10) I’d listen. But please, TRY to listen to me too. Men are crappy listeners. I’d be happy if you prove me wrong, really.

11) Have a nice open relationship with your family. I can’t understand people who turn away from parents. Well, I am probably biased because mine are laidback, but still, if the first relationships in your life aren’t good, how do you plan to move on from there?

12) Don’t treat me like a princess. Treat me like an equal who has a brain and an opinion.

13) Respect my need to take a long long time before I am comfortable with the thought of you paying my way. I like my independence. Don’t let it threaten you.

14) Cuddle and kiss me, and let me know that I AM beautiful and perfect and all that you’ve ever wanted on the bad hair/backache/bloody horrible mood days. And say it like you mean it. Those are the days I’d need to know it, you know?

15) No lying. Ever. Big ones, little ones. Especially the little ones. In that case, I would show you out. And not very gently, at that.

Check, check, check? We have a winner here! :D

No wonder I am doooooomed when it comes to matters of the heart!

still alive (and kickin'? ummm...)

2009-11-08T05:58:00.000-08:00

i do NOT get why educational institutes have to block blogger. like, what harm does it do? all the time i save from blogging goes youtube-wards!

to return to the topic at hand. i am ALIVE. yes. and i am finally back to blogging cause...guess what, my semester exams start in a couple of days and OF COURSE i need to do something apart from looking at the pile of notes accumulating on my table ;)

what i have been doing lately would include-

realizing that am never ever gonna have friends like i did back in college. sigh. i do not gel well with my class. apart from a few. most are either nerds or just plain weird.

i did not at all realize the enormity of my slight switch in subject. now i do, and not in a good way.

this area being slightly rural-ish, the men are straight out 19th century. fairer skin+jeans+being found talking and laughing with guys= LOTS of sniggering and unwelcome attention. grrrrrr.

i am OBSESSED with cleanliness. i really am. i have washed clothes and swept my room while running a temperature, simply because i couldn't bear the sight/thought of the dust/dirt.my side of the room is PRISTINE. roomie's side looks slightly avalanche-hit at most times. methinks i shall make an AMAZING wife :P (husband's gotta know how to cook, however)

hostel food really is the pits. or at least it was, but the new mess is much much better. anything would taste better after rice and dal everyday for more than two weeks! the upside is, i have lost weight without trying \m/

i can get along with roommates. in fact, i get along with my roomie so well that neither of us can remember when we last studied properly without getting into a long animated discussion about everything starting from the awful guys here, to arthur miller and marylin monroe. ( i LOVE the fact that she's majoring in english. gives me a second hand connection to the subject i sorely miss). and the midnight binges are awesome fun. we're the only owls in the entire wing, would you believe. people here are BORING.

staying alive has been a problem in itself. i have had two could-have-been-fatal accidents already. hit a divider, fell off my cycle in front a bus (you don't really wanna know what i injured in the process.) which stopped inches from me(being fat=being noticed. comes in handy sometimes) and the other time, the auto i was coming back from town in hit a bus and FLIPPED. yep. i still get the heebie-jeebies when i think about it. escaped with just bruises though. am scared of buses now :(

i miss bangalore/college/friend/my sis and BIL. a LOT.staying away from parents isn't something new,but being away from all family, ANY family, is :( ah well, bangalore's just 7 hours away *grins*

i love love LOVE the beach/boulevard/restaurants/all the shopping that's to be done in the town. cheers me up like nothing else.

i am both lazy and stupid. not only do i not study my own subjects, i have also taken on four extra subjects for an add-on diploma. some more notes to ignore, really.

few things hurt as much as the knowledge that someone you really care for is in a lot of pain, and you are too far away to help.

how goeth things at your end?

PS: i notice my last post had a couple of troll-ish comments. quite an amusing experience, really. haven't had one before *waves to trollees* thanks! ;)

what's so super about superstition?

2009-07-17T05:30:00.000-07:00

*warning: long, boring and generally pointless post ahead*
i am one of those people whose best side is the virtual side. i am much more at ease when hiding behind the safety of my laptop screen. with real life, i tend to struggle a lot more, with the sort of awkward shyness which many mistake for arrogance (i remember mentioning this somewhere on this blog somewhere before). i don't mind this much, cause people who still make the effort to know and befriend me are very, very precious, but it is a contrast to my earlier talktative, garrulous self. now, that avatar is rather rare, and some of my old friends have bluntly called me "boring, now". oh well *shrugs*
so, what really was i trying to tell you? am not much of a people person. right.
so, staying in a PG was an adventure of sorts. with two roomies who were both much older than me. one of them had a physical handicap which made her gait slightly lopsided. and another was a quietish person, who minded her own business and worked long hours. i quite liked the latter. the former, oh well!
it IS rather trying to be woken up almost every day by the snarls of a roomie. nothing pleased her. the food was inedible, and often suspected of being "impure", by which i suppose she meant non-veg (i am not saying it was michelin star rated cooking. but it was okay. and no PG owner would give you non-veg without taking extra money for the same! :P). there was a daily squabble over who'd go take a bath first. i usually wound up being the last one (since i was not being paid for the internship, the in/out times were a lot relaxed for me) and having to do with a bucket of water, after which the taps inevitably ran dry. she belittled my stint there, whatever i was learning with an intolerable been-there-done-that-what's-the-big-deal attitude, and was incredulous to know that i got a certificate for the time i spent in lab (well, nobody was paying me like you, darling), called people who loved dance as "nachaniya"s, which was a remarkably tactful thing to say to someone who can't imagine life without dance, and has completed a graduation in the same :) and was generally obnoxious. after a while i took to long walks till dinnertime, and post return, kept my headphones firmly plugged in my ears to shut out her talk about how her boss was out to "get her". i owe peace to my headphones. otherwise, we really might've had One Big Battle.
but what really got me fuming was a conversation we had once, post dinner.
she was going to start a new series of "vrats"- every thursday, she had to wear yellow, have yellow food, go tie something at the temple and pray (if i may add, to the accompaniment of LOUD bhajans playing on her phone). the family pandit had advised her to carry out for a few weeks (i forget how many) and couriered her the "pooja ka samaan" (there's a pun here that only i can understand, so, haha) i do not belong to a religious family, and was mystified about the point of this colour coded fast. so i asked her, whatever for do you have to act all jaundiced every week? she gave a rather long and involved reply, but the upshot was- to catch a man.
ah, right. pity it never occured to me.
that started off an animated discussion about the different fasts and all the miracles they bring about. i was bored and was about to leave when she suddenly asked why i didn't have a brother? um, isn't that a question for my parents. and how does it matter? no, she just wondered why they never tried?
TRIED? oh, bite me.
then she told me all about how wise the pandit was. when she was born, he checked her head and predicted that the next baby would be a boy. it was. and it was also a miscarriage. what a shame he couldn't predict that. he ALSO told her the Quick Sex Determination Test- if the baby's giving trouble in utero, it's probably a girl. she wound up by telling me that she devoutly hoped to never have daughters. i wasn't surprised. who wants trouble right from the beginning?
it isn't like i haven't come across superstitions before. or discrimination. but it always amazes me to see WOMEN acting like this. i could excuse the bias in a child/uneducated person. but she has a clutch of degrees. all in BIOLOGY, no less. the same subject taught me how the gender of a foetus is determined, way back in class nine. i don't remember head examination or a pandit as a part of that lesson.
it scares me- this mindlessness in the name of religion. what's the point of education if the basic mindset remains of the nineteenth century? thank goodness i grew up in the family i did.
speaking of religion, something rather funny happened while i was returning from chandigarh to delhi to visit my sister before coming to kolkata. it was quite a job lifting two insanely heavy suitcases, backpack, a laptop bag, and myself (i took a solemn oath when i had to repeat the entire process in reverse at the delhi station, as my brother-in-law was late- i am travelling light in the future! it was less clothes vis-a-vis a broken back :P) into the compartment, and making sure i didn't break any limbs in the process. after finally managing to stow everything away, i got my music player out. my co-passenger was an elderly Sikh man, and the window seat was empty. the next hour was divided between having coffee, answering anxious calls (mostly about the safety of the damn luggage than me. hmph) and listening to music. which is when i realized that Old Man was staring at me. intently.
this is the transcript of our conversation
OM: what are you doing, beti?
me: i just finished with graduation uncleji. i'd start with my MSc soon.
OM: you studied in english medium?
me(slightly startled): yes. why?
OM: can you please translate something fom hindi to english for me?
me: yes, sure.
OM: aam ke aam gutliyon ke daam
me: !
OM: nahin hoga tumse?
me(is it a joke? is it a trick question? why is he bugging me?): uncle, yeh to muhavra hai. direct translation karne ka fayda nahin.
OM: itna bhi nahin ho paaya. agar tum padhai aur ram naam par dhyaan deti, gaane sunne ke jagah, to tumhari zindagi me sudhaar aa jata.
me: !!!
he also gave me this interesting tidbit- vishwaas in hindi is the combination of two words. in two different languages. vish meaning poison. waas, meaning wash in english. did you know this is a potent word to "wash away all the poison in us using dharma"? did you? yes, you can thank me for this trivia.
by the time he started off a general lecture on the degenerate modern generation, the window seat passenger had come. she was a pleasant woman who was a mother to two young boys, and she had done her PhD on folk arts in rajasthan. we kept up a spirited and LOUD conversation throughout the journey :)
people, i tell you!
PS: i found this post slightly spiteful, especially when i think of the last day when my roomie gave me a pretty birthday gift and tried to laugh away the tremor in her voice when she said she couldn't find someone who'd marry her. is it possible that her handicap made her so bitter? if that is so, it is very sad. but my grouse about superstitions remains.
PPS: since there's no telling when am going to write again (soon, i hope), i am going to pondicherry university to do my MSc in Ecology and Environmental Science. i am looking forward to the experience :) though am unable to figure out whether it's the course or the beach or the fact that now i can finally learn french properly, that has gotten me all excited :D
also, i turned a green old twenty one late last month. wish me. NOW! :P

MIA again

2009-06-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

i am in chandigarh. working on .... something (er, more like watching others work... but we'll not split hairs here, okay??) staying in a PG for the first time, and wishing there was someone else was of my age (some are much older, and some much younger) the place am interning in stopped taking in trainees from this year (they made an exception for me since i applied early, or something ). consequence: i am a novelty for everyone including the security, the PhD students, and the profs (aap kaun ho ji? aap yahan kya kar rahe ho ji? aapko kaise le liya ji? aapka naam kya hai ji? uffff!)
also, am very homesick,and rather sick of vegetarian food too. ditto for tea. does chandigarh have no CCD's at all? if you know some place in this city which serves decent coffee, please let me know. i'd bless you!
and this is what all the scientific education/experience results in :)
She was angry
He knew it, and was
wondering how best to appease her
She sat, perched on the big window ledge
Head purposefully turned away from him,
Facing the fireball of the setting sun.
Her posture stiff, unyielding.
"My, she is gorgeous!"
"I am in deep trouble."
I never wanted to hurt you, darling,
I am so sorry I didn't wake you before leaving,
But he was in trouble, and he needed my help.
I won't ever do it again.
Please forgive me.
But he knew, she heard nothing.
After watching her in that unforgiving stance for a while,
he walked up to her,
Turned her face around,
smiled,
Caught his ears and shook his head.
Her stance crumpled, and she held him close,
all the worry, the love, the resentment
seeping through.
As she looked, he gestured,
She smiled,
Those lovely, soundless lips,
and signed back.
"I love you, too."

can someone suggest of an appropriate title for this? thanks!
and i am trying to keep up with y'all. unfortunately the lab computers don't run orkut/blogspot (comes under the head of "kidswastingtime" when tried) would try to catch up soon :)
cheerio

preparing to bite again.

2009-05-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

writing has deserted me yet again. this is a very patchy attempt to get back to blogging (and if this doesn't work, am gonna quit. i love reading y'all, and i'd continue to keep in touch, but it's very upsetting to not be able to write)

another bulleted post, then? :)

i've been home for more than a month now, and have just a week left before i head out again. to complete unknown this time. a new city, new people, and two whole months of pretending to be smarter than i am. the familiar sadness at being without roots is setting in. am not ready for this yet.

who am i kidding? i'd never be ready. and am always gonna a city hopper.

after a couple of weeks, i almost totally stopped going out with old friends. the first time i did, it was awful. fake smiles, stilted conversation, a terrible feeling of being a rank outsider struggling to follow private jokes that don't include me now. i'd rather keep the happy memories, thanks. the only person i met twice was ND. he was nice and sweet and uncomplicated to be with, and the only person who didn't feel like a stranger. have they all changed, or is it just me?

must be me.

i graduated with a pretty good score (graduated? not exactly. am yet to get any official documents stating am done with college :P) which made my parents, and therefore me, very happy.

however, it also created a bit of a problem. people who know me labour under the delusion that am very smart. unfortunately or not, as the case may be, my academic record till now supports that belief. but i know am nowhere as good as it appears. and the pressure is unbelievable. it drives me nuts. i snap and yell when people go "ah, why are you worried? in no time you'd be in a premier insti...blah blah blah"; leaving them hurt and confused. am terrified at what'll happen when (heaven forbid) i do not do as well as i am supposed to be doing :(

this in between time (graduation and post graduation) is nerve-wracking. a lot of my friends have already gotten through really good universities. i am still writing entrance exams and doing badly in them too. add to that the fact that i belong nowhere (translated to mean i get no preference while admission either in bangalore uni or calcutta uni), life's miserable right now. i heartily wish there was some way to fast forward to august. you'd see a much more cheerful me (even if i don't get through anywhere. it's this uncertainty which is driving me mad)

i met the crush once, too. i'd like to think we had a good time, but i can only answer for myself. it was hard saying goodbye. he'd probably go abroad for further studies. and forget me (which he's been trying to do for five years now, but am such a limpet! :P) i can't help it. he means too much to me to just let go. and i don't even know why i care so much. but i do :(

i also realized how anti-social i am lately. anyone invading my private space is THE ENEMY, and it even includes a big sis and niece who i haven't met for months. thankfully, the territorial feelings subside fast when tis family :) niece has become very tall and thin (aiming for size zero already,i see) and quite a wise old grandma. not too old for hugs and kisses though :) she's growing up so fast, and i hardly get to see her. woe the distance! *sob*

i hated college while it lasted. and now i miss it like crazy. especially zeep, since i still get to see DP and yalie's just too far away to even wish to meet her. and in some insane way, it loops back to how i miss school and couldn't attend the farewell as i left early for home. i went through a bunch of SMC pictures in the morning, and cried. how dumb can i get?

aila was beautiful to begin with. i've always been fascinated by storms. the crueller side of nature's a visual spectacle. but the deaths were terribly sad. as was the uprooting of trees. kolkata isn't very green to begin with, and this just makes it worse.

reading the parasites. du maurier has a lovely way with words. and listening to this in an endless loop. check out other songs by porcupine tree. they're worth a listen.

i am having vicious mood swings. and struggling to keep a calm facade for friends and family is making it even worse.

i can't sleep well at nights.

i hate kolkata. and i hate leaving home. i am contradictory and ALSO, i am writing nonsense.

sigh. maybe writing wasn't such a good idea.

PS: i am also very fond of the zoozoos. and i was very sad that rcb lost to dc in the IPL final. kkr stopped counting ages back :P

snippets of a life. a slightly boring one.

2009-04-29T12:52:00.000-07:00

this was initially meant to be a long, emotional post, but i thought i've tortured my patient readers with the same sort of tripe long enough. so, i've decided to "take it lightly, yaar" :P
i left bangalore a week back. it hurt, but not too much. most of my friends left the city around the same time, so staying on would probably be harder. lonelier. am glad we parted the way we did. sleepovers, lunches, coffee addas, lounge bar visit (finally! :P) and tons of talk and laughter. it was like we ran through all the things that we loved doing together, one last time :) i couldn't have wished for a better goodbye!
the trip back home was nice. i like train journeys (barring once, which turned into a proper nightmare) they're long enough to be interesting, unlike flights which finish much too fast (i love them too, though). and though the chill of the AC hurts my back (do i finally manage to sound 80?) it gives me a lot of time to catch up with reading. i'd especially like to mention girl in hyacinth blue written by susan vreeland. it's a beautiful collection of short stories chronicling the passing on of a painting by Vermeer through the decades. Vermeer, by the way, was a famous Dutch painter. i read another book about him a while back, and i picked this one up cause i'd liked the other one so much. this was just as good, and left me with the lovely warm feeling that accompanies a good read! books about art are very interesting, even when they are fictional :)
cal greeted me with the oft-warned about intense heat and humidity. inspite of the warnings, i was a tad taken aback. surely this year is worse? the weather is INSANELY bad!! just sitting around doing nothing the whole day tires me out. and am probably going to send the rest of the country into an acute drought by my copious consumption of chilled h2o :P
kolkata and me have never been good friends, and the weirdest part is how being here messes up my head. i spent the first couple of nights brooding over some of my easy-come-easy-go friends, and wondered,a trifle enviously, about how they can walk away from a friendship with no second thoughts. this is something i have to learn! then i finally decided that they're not worth my thoughts, and certainly not my sleep :D
the rest of my time has passed in a lazy haze of dance practice (don't ask me why! because i love dancing, that's why!) sleeping, eating (egg rolls/fuchka/telebhaja/kachuri alurdam/ma's cooking. heaven MUST be like this, or else i won't go :P), watching movies and drooling over richard gere, mostly window and some real shopping. i got myself a sparkly choco-coloured lipstick (my first, by the way. i don't much like make up), mum splashed out on a very pretty sari for me for an upcoming wedding, so life was rather blissful.
till today, when i got not-so-gentle reminders of the entrance exams that i have to give in a fortnight's time. ugh. like i'd get through anyway (but i have to!)
cheerio! :)

almost goodbye. and hating it.

2009-04-12T01:02:00.000-07:00

the internet connection at home decided to take an extended sabbatical right after the last post (not BSNL's fault, all the roads near the house are dug up, and all the cables have been sliced through. sigh.) and then my "final college finals" started and i had no time for anything else but trying to do something i avoid for the rest of the year-study.

oh, and a fair bit of tears.

make no mistake.i still stand by every single college rant i've made you all suffer through.mcc still drives me mad (now with separate applications for tc,migration certificate and a provisional degree. add to that the fact that the marksheet would come when am no longer in bangalore, and you have one last holy mess! :P) but that's only college. what sustained me through this insanity were my friends (who drove me nuts too,sometimes. perhaps my tolerance levels are rather low) and a fantastic batch who loved, laughed, bitched, complained and celebrated together :)

this is a note of rememberance for all those people who made being a carmelite not so bad, after all.

the dog-o-phobe: where do i start from? from the fact that you thought am someone else and i was lying about my name? from your insistence on absolute cleanliness and order? from your room where we spent hours together ?(me sleeping, you all clicking uncomplimentary pics of me. i deleted'em all.hmph) from your insanity-inducing indecision during shopping? insisting on a "fresh piece" for everything you buy? (would this extend to the guy you choose? *wink*) your wonderful ability to listen? those innumerable coffee-cum-adda sessions that make me tear up every time i remember them? the trip? the sleepover? the fights (almost always between just you and me and our egos) that never lasted more than a day? the many times i almost killed you when forcing you to cross the road with me? and the many times u almost managed to break my wrist whenever a dog came in the near vicinity? come to think of it, the fulsome entertainment you and the dogs provided? the way you and me were always vela enough to go out and have fun, tests and assignments notwithstanding? (this i can't resist) for singeing your eyelashes with a lighter? :D

god, this would never end.

thanks dp, for being the nutter you are :D for making us all laugh at your antics. for somehow managing to inspire me to become a neater, more organised person. for me having a number of small habits exactly like you now(bag strap on left shoulder.checking money before giving.insisting of "fresh piece" :P) for making me realize that looking out for oneself isn't necessarily being selfish. for all the adda, the bitching, the love, the laughter, the little fights that don't make any difference to the bigger picture. that being... I LOVE YOU. you and zeep were the bestest friends i could've hoped for, and london or no london, you'll always occupy a big space in my heart.

get over the dog-o-phobia, though :D

zeep: the artist. the quiet, thin little girl (you are younger, so shut up). who loves sleeping and eating and whose lab diagrams are perfect enough to be regarded as art. with a handwriting so like mine that we've even written records for each other.

did i say quiet, though? that label is history!

zeep's SO like me that it's damn unfair that she's so thin and i am anything but. couldn't that be similar, too? we both love eating, love to sleep, hate studying, and have no idea of what to do in life. both of us have non-science interests that we hope to pursue some day, and we concur in our choices in men (someday we'd make it to spain and italy, darling. the pact stands.) she's a great listener, a wonderful friend (especially during exams, when she'd be the only one not studying. except me, naturally) i have used her notes and made her teach me for almost all of last year, and the marks prove that she's a far better teacher than some of our lecturers. remember how diligently we worked on the bread making experiment zeep? with black coffee and gossip? it took us...what...two weeks to finish four hours' work? :P

thank you for proving that being a good student isn't equal to being a nerd. for all those notes which helped me pass the tests. for listening to me when i told you not to start studying till i did :P for undoing the damage dp did in terms of discipline in life(heh). for being the 'relatively wicked girl' in the quartet along with me. for the binge in goa, which was hilarious! for all the smses, jokes and all the times we had together. the movies, the lunches, those times when you totally lost it and almost scared us. for your dislike of mush and cheesy dialogues. for the well-concealed streak of rebelliousness. for being just the way you are.

please, please, PLEASE, come to the same university as me zeep. how will i manage without my thin twin? :(

alternatively, lemme pack you and take you home with me :D

yalie aka MT: (and am NOT cursing you, or maro-ing nazar) the teacher's pet. ugh. the one who completes all work on time. ugh ugh. the non-controversial one. triple ugh. the one who gets insane marks and gets into yale even before finishing college. UGH.

but that aside, she's one of the funniest persons i know. once out of college premises, everything she had to say about...er...certain individuals had me in splits of laughter till i reached home. she's the only reason i still walk part of the way back from college, though i've shifted and going that way just makes my route longer. she's too entertaining to pass up :D

thank you for being a friend. for unselfishly sharing whatever information you had, whether it was notes or admission notifications, or taking me to lectures and presentations i would never bother to find out about otherwise. for letting me into the DC team (we still have a 100% win record, no?) for that hugely entertaining spat with you-know-who. for telling me all the gossip (i dunno why you were so indignant about me passing it on. isn't that the whole idea? :P) for forcing me to join fb. for the ...er... guy obsession (never thought you and them would even come in the same sentence :P) for being an inspiration in the way you juggle so many responsibilites with elan, and still manage to excel in everything you do.

am sure you'd shine in yale too. i love you and always will. please don't forget me :(

can someone lend me a tissue? sniffle.

finally!

2009-03-21T05:54:00.000-07:00

aaaaand, am back! :D
but the extended, forced leave has left me with too much, and nothing, to say. this was something i wrote a couple of months earlier. i called it THE GIFT, being the unimaginative doof i am :D
would catch up with you all, soon. cheerio!

She came back early from work only for this. After a quick shampoo and shower, she wore a beautiful red sari, faintly reminiscent of her bridal Banarasi. Pulling the long wet hair back from her face, she scanned the chocolate cake recipe again. It ought not be difficult. She'd bought everything in advance.
She'd never been a careful cook. Sometimes, the dishes would be delicious and inventive, and sometimes, it would be a trifle overdone, or maybe a little salty. It was one of those things that always bothered her husband. Oh well, she gave herself a little shrug, all that was past. Today, the cake would be perfect. She would make sure of that.
Setting the oven to preheat, she swiftly mixed the requisite amounts of flour, baking powder, cocoa, and some other things in a heart shaped baking tray. Had she been too generous with anything? It could make the cake taste strange. At any rate, she'd been careful with the amount of grease. He didn't like too much of fattening things. She'd learnt that in the seven years of matrimony.
Following the recipe to the letter, she added the milk and eggs, and whisked it all together carefully, making sure none of it spilled out. The raw cake had a satisfying, almost appetising, chocolate colour to it. But looks could be deceiving. She laughed softly. If she tried tasting it now, she'd only get the disgusting, mixed up taste of raw eggs and sweet cocoa. Ugh.
She spent an inordinate amount of time whisking, long after the heterogeneous ingredients smoothed into brown liquid. Something about the repetitive, uncomplicated step was deeply soothing. But a casual glance at the clock startled her into action. He would be back in an hour and a half. It had to be done before that.
The oven was hot and ready. The sudden awareness of time flurried her a bit, and while sliding the tray in, the portion of her right arm just above the mittens got singed. She yelped at the suddenness of it, but the pain wasn't anything much. A quick splash of cold water set it right. And anyway, when she was cooking for him, how did such little things matter? Ah, the things one does for love!
While the cake got baked, she set to making the frosting. Cream and sugar and chocolate made for such a divine mixture. She'd always been a bit chocolate-crazy. Chocolate got her through exam results, heartbreaks, her father's crippling accident. And everything else life had thrown at her. She didn't waste time worrying about the calories. Fast metabolism was a blessing! A chocolate cake was really wasted on him, for whom it was nothing more than a carefully regimented indulgence, but then, how else could she celebrate such a special day?
Soon, it was all ready and waiting to be assembled. Slicing neatly through the freshly baked cake, she generously applied frosting between the two layers, and on top. After allowing it to cool awhile, she used the cream cone to write, in beautifully printed letters,
For my Dear Husband,
Happy Anniversary!
She put the delicious looking confection into the fridge for cooling and firming. She cleared the table of the various documents and magazines. The long glass vase was got out, and filled with roses of many colours. It was his favourite flower. She preferred sweeter, subtler flowers like jasmine and tuberose. Roses were too obscenely beautiful. Oh well. She lit two fat candles, one red, one white. Switching off the lights, she waited.
She didn't know when she fell asleep. Or was that even a dream? She remembered all the good times of the marriage, the loving, the laughter. The short but sweet courtship. Of course, it hadn't been all smooth. But she wouldn't remember the bad times. Especially not today. Restless, she stirred, as though warding away memories she had no wish to relive.
She heard the car pull into the garage. Smiling, she got up, and got the cake out. Put it on the table, and went to open the door.
He looked tired. And a bit guilty. She smiled a dazzling smile at him and took his briefcase and coat.
"Go and freshen up. Dinner's waiting. And an extra special something!"
"Honey, about last night. Look, I..."
Putting her finger on his lips, she whispered, "No talks about what's happened in the past. Today is a day of celebrations. Or is it," she continued, half amused, half exasperated, "that you have forgotten our anniversary again?"
"Uh, of course not. Happy Anniversary darling."
"Thanks, sweetheart. Now go, change. Hurry up"
He came back wearing a starched kurta pyajama. The years had been kind to him. He still retained that boyish charm. And his physique wasn't too bad, either. Stretching, he took the seat opposite her. And gaped at the cake.
"You made this? For me? Wow, this looks amazing."
Laughing, she said, "I hope it tastes half as amazing. Now go on, cut it, taste it and tell me. And not one of those tiny bites, mind. I've slogged over this."
He smiled at her, and cut a generous slice of the cake. And popped it whole into his mouth. She was delighted.
It was pretty quick. Barely twenty seconds perhaps. A couple of unpleasant seizures, and a lot of shock in those captivating brown eyes, and it was over.
She waited for about an hour. She needed him to be past all medical help, needed him to be irrevocably dead. She sat still and watched the candles burn lower. And smelt those obscene roses.
An hour later, she got up. Touched his already cooling hand. Looked into those brown blank eyes. It reminded her of chocolate. Like it had, when they met for the first time, and it had been love at first sight for her.
Suddenly, with no warning, the thought permeated her rather blank consciousness. He was dead. She killed him. Killed the man who she'd loved so completely. Surrendered her whole life to. Quick, couldn't she undo it somehow? Wake up! Wake up Avinash! Am sorry. Am so damnably sorry.
Hot, pointless tears clouded her vision, and as she walked away from her folly, she stumbled on the hem of her sari. She fell headlong, and the sari moved away, bringing the cold floor into direct contact with her stomach.
The pain blinded her. The bruises from last night were still fresh, and they hurt. Hurt enough to remind her, enrage her all over again.
Sorry? She was free. It was just as it should be. The day of imprisonment, and the day of independence, were one and the same.

MIA

2009-03-02T07:33:00.000-08:00

there's no net at home for an eternity...i mean, a couple of weeks, and i've been kept madly busy by college. so this is gonna be short (the damn cafe shuts in like fifteen mins)

i have just EIGHT days of college life left. for all my rants about college, i'm gonna really, really miss some people. plus the fact that i knew what to do when i woke up in the morning (hurriedly finish some assignment/record work, bathe, change, run) people with little brains like me like to have an assigned set of tasks :P
shifting house is the PITS. i've done it five fucking time already, and i have atleast THREE more times to go, within 5 months. people like me (lots of books. lots of cds. lots of clothes) should just stay put.
am dead sared about the future. college just gave me a prize for english and am seriously wondering why am pretending to be a sciencie at all :( what if i don't get through anywhere for MSc? :( can i just get married, please? :P
am gonna miss bangalore :(
i hated delhi 6. loved the music. liked billu. loved to gillian on her 37th birthday (yeah, i watched it now) loved rahman's double whammy. was a little taken aback at the best picture award though... SM was good, but that good?
i wanna write a whole post about the-people-i'd-miss-bad, but some other time. once one gets used to freely available net, staying without it for weeks together is very hard :(
i went to suratkal/mangalore with friends for a weekend. terrible weather, but great fun on the whole. damn, i need another whole post for this.
someone, please tell me, what to do with a near continuous back pain. quick, before it kills me :(
not getting to blog, and read others' blogs, is really frustrating. i REALLY miss you all. i'd be back as soon as i can.
sometime in the middle of all this, i finished one hundred and fifty posts. can you believe it? that's an effing century and a half. did you notice? i certainly didn't * pats self on back*
this is my first bulleted post. sorry, i was writing a presentation and i just continued in the same vein. stop at whichever bullet you please :D

*runs away before cafe owner throws her out*
cheerio!!

evolution, backwards. and some other stuff.

2009-02-14T23:11:00.000-08:00

i've always loved animals. well, almost all animals. am not much fond of roaches and lizards (though an article i'd once read about how tough roaches are and how they've been around like, forever, increased my respect for'em :P) and i absolutely despise snakes. i have a crazy recurrent nightmare in which am sitting on a bed, and the floor's swarming with great big ugly cobras, and there's no way i can escape *shudders*

but yeah, in general, i love them. i actually wanted to be a vet for a while (in between wanting to be a teacher/astrophysicist/doctor/professional dancer). i used to occasionally anchor a show as a kid, and they took us to a snake farm and the police dog squad for shoots, and i remember thoroughly enjoying them (i even touched a python. what bravery! :P)

so being compared to an animal wasn't such a big deal. those who've grown up with siblings would know that 'endearing' nicknames like monkey, piggy, donkey etc. come with the territory. and being the youngest in the family, i got it from everyone. it got to the point that if someone called out any random animal's name, i'd unconsciously respond!

i also had this slight dental defect. the dentist HAD to tell my mum that it was a feature usually seen in dogs (!), and i still haven't heard the end of it, inspite of correction and months of agonising braces. it makes for a good after dinner-story, still :)

then came my coldness. for reasons i haven't been able to fathom, my hands and feet are cold. like, all the time. it has prompted a lot of concerned people to ask me "if there's something wrong with me". i dunno. it's bad enough that once, a teacher whose feet i touched yelped and stepped back, and said that it felt like ice cubes. i say am cool. my sis says am poikilothermic :D

and now, i've slipped some more steps on the evolutionary ladder.

am moulting!

no, honestly. my hands are shedding skin. in big patches. and there's new, pink skin, poking through. it's kinda uncomfortable, but well, what the heck, am used to the strange ways of my body's way of asserting its animal (?) identity.

this post was a way of celebrating the 150th anniversary of darwin's theory of evolution. i find it hard to believe that more than half the american population still believes in the theory of Genesis. i can't believe that evolution's not even taught in the christian institutions. my college's christian too. but there's no mixing of religion and science. so, for once, cheers to it! (lol!did i just say something good about my college? wonders would never cease!)

PS: cheers to people power, that enabled valentine day celebrations in the city to go off without a hitch. poor pink er... pramod mutalik! and what about moi? oh, i had an exam :P honest!

the nice thing about this v'day was that i saw lots of all girls/all boys groups out having fun. it's good to know the day hasn't been monopolised by the couples :)

also, i learnt that even mock-bemoaning my single status in front of male friends is a bad idea. i get asked out. out of pity, the poor-girl-she's-so-sad-about-being-single type of asking out. it wasn't amusing.

Forgotten?

2009-02-04T03:12:00.000-08:00

No, am not talking about me (though if you did forget about my existence, i wouldn't blame you! am lamentably irregular nowadays. excuses? not too many...okay, enough rambling) Does the name Mangte Chungneijang Merykom ring any bells? no? okay.... Mary Kom? Does that help? still confused? I don't blame you. even wikipedia didn't help me when i was looking up this woman. now that's a first for me.

Mary Kom is minimumweight boxer. She hails from the north-eastern state of Manipur, and she recently won her FOURTH gold medal at the World Championship, held in Ningbo City, China on 29th November, 2008.

Weighing a mere 46 kgs, this fiesty champion took to boxing, inspired by Manipuri male boxer Dingko Singh, who'd then bagged an Asian Games gold. Starting off as a good athlete, she concentrated on boxing to provide financial support to her family. She quickly took to the sport.As she says, "In just two weeks, I had learnt all the basics. I guess I had God-given talent for boxing." And the medals started pouring in.

From winning the Indian boxing championship five times in a row, she announced her arrival on the international scene in style. Merykom's "international gold rush" finally began with the Second Asian Women's Championship in Hissar and continued with a win in the Third Asian Women's Championship held in Taiwan. And the gold rush only let up for two years, as she took a sabbatical to care for her newborn twins. The fourth gold medal was her way of returning to her sport, her passion.

And why am I so taken with this Arjuna Awardee? Simply because inspite of all her brilliance, she was ignored by the government for the Padma Shri award in 2009. Hurt and bitter, she's said she'll not apply for the award in future, and indeed, if awarded, refuse to accept it. And can any one blame her? Bindra wins an Olympic gold and gets Padma Shri'd straightaway. A relatively inexperienced Dhoni and Harbhajan Singh and even (gasp!shock!the horror!) Aishwarya Rai lands herself the prestigious title (no really, what has the woman done except bit roles in Hollywood and show up in Cannes wearing outlandish clothes?!) and this pint sized wonder woman, who's successfully juggling a physically demanding career, marriage and young kids doesn't even merit a dekko? How exactly does the powers-that-be draw up these merit lists?

Actually Mary, awards be damned. Who gives a shit about Government lists drawn up by people of (more than a little) suspect credibility? I hope you keep winning many more gold medals for India. We're proud of you.

At least, I know I am.

Where googling about her took me : this and this made for interesting reading. And this, was the government's knee-jerk response. Ho-hum.

college life?

2009-01-26T01:18:00.000-08:00

we wanted to go for a trip to an amusement park. have been wanting to it for four frickin' semesters now. something or the other would keep cropping up, and it kept getting postponed. now considering it's the last semester and all, and we have no other time to postpone it to.
now started the fun.
since the place is really expensive on weekends, we decided on a weekday excursion. which needs permission from college, so that we get the students' discount as well.
princi was okay with the plan, so long as we cleared the trip with the lecturers who take class on that particular day.
two departments cleared it. the third department, we hit a snag.
BR had an hour's lecture, and she wasn't willing to give it up. syllabus is too huge to waste even an hour, apparently.
hmm, then an extra hour? maybe a lunch break?
no, she wasn't cool with it. lunch time was meant for eating. especially for her (pray note, we have extra classes regularly during that time. and no one gives a shit about when we get to eat)
how about a saturday class then?
no way, she has a family to attend to. oooh, we all stay alone in dungeons no?!
stay back after college hours for one hour? no. she didn't want to do that either. other lecturers stepped in, but she refused to relent. oh, and in the middle we got a free bunch of lectures about how we "bypassed" her and thus, insulted her sense of importance.
BR held on to the goddamn lecture hour with all the tenacity of a new mother clutching her newborn.
deadlock. and a furious bunch of girls, who only wanted to have some fun. to add insult to injury, all other departments had given permission. so whoever didn't have the subject that BR taught, were free to go. and were, indeed, going.
finally, another department had to step in to convince her.
and the trip's finally happening. not that i am going (with a prematurely aged back, it's just not possible), but am happy for everyone else.
but you think it happened without a price?
we have to attend early morning classes EVERY saturday till the end of the semester, along with another extra couple of hours.
which makes it EIGHT hours for the griveous sin of thinking we could miss one.
i have to keep telling myself that i have to attend my beloved college for only 34 more days! :P

art imitating life

2009-01-13T09:03:00.000-08:00

"Oh, do take me away. Please do. It's so awful, being here, and feeling so wicked."
Megan Hunter, in The Moving Finger (Agatha Christie)

Sometimes, the apt sentences just leap out at you when reading something.

(goes back to the garden to eat worms)

random bit of poetry

2009-01-11T03:06:00.000-08:00

life changes its form every moment.
at times, it's the soothing calm of cool shadows...
sometimes, it's the unforgiving harshness of the sun.
live life in every single moment, feel every
second before it passes you by.
who knows, what we have today
we may lose tomorrow...

alas, if only this was original. but tisn't. still, i kinda like it. what say you?

i miss you (warning: senti overload!)

2009-01-06T07:09:00.000-08:00

reading this beautiful post gave me a peculiar kind of heartache. i so wish i could write something like this, but for me, it's all about friendships i lost, to twin demons of time and distance. one would think that a person with a memory as terrible as mine (ghajini's inspired by me, i think :P) i'd learn to forget and move on. but my memory isn't missing, it's just perverse.

half these people wouldn't read this, the other half wouldn't care. but well...

ST, i miss moi "best friend for forever". i miss dance practice. i miss fighting with you over the right steps. i miss the laughter. i miss those sleepovers and "i am telling this to you ONLY and this shouldn't go further". oh, and i miss your lunchbox :P

losing you, just because of the distance, was HARD.

RB, i miss you, my girlfriend. the blown kisses across the classroom. the "do hell with the guys, hum hai na ek dusre ke liye" and similar (and inane-er) cheesy dialougues. i miss your non-judgemental listening and the "babe, i understand." i haven't even met you for the last two years, and it still makes me sad.

RH, i miss those binges after tuitions. and those LONG written conversations when bio/chem/physics/math classes got sleep-inducingly boring. i still meet you cause you come to bangalore often, but something's missing. i suppose wishing the camaraderie lasted unchanged was hoping for a bit too much :)

AS, my almost twin. i miss the guy gossip. i miss us completing each others' sentences. i miss dreaming dreams together. i even miss you yelling at others and me getting panicky and trying to calm you down :P i can't tell you how weird it felt to meet you this time and spending most of the meeting in silence. when did the gossip dry up?

TK, i miss you, little guy. even though you emptied my pockets every single time we ate out (you're the reason that even now a guy offering to pay for me induces disbelief :P) even though your abuses were colourful enough to make me shut my ears and scram. even though i always felt you never cared the same way i did. now, no conversation left, and the old jokes are, well, old.

AA, i could write a whole post, and probably more, about you. about how i thought we had a really special friendship. about our "non-couple couple" status. about those insanely long phone conversations. about how we laughed, cried, made up. about how i secretly enjoyed your possessiveness. those hugs. holding hands. when you abruptly moved away after committing to S ( i really don't get the whole deal with people getting committed and abandoning old friends), i was devastated. it took me more than a year to come to terms with it. and the memories still hurt. and try as i might, i can never stop loving you. how stupid can i be?

SG, should i even include you as a friend? you're my longest running crush ( FIVE years! man!!) and i can't remember the last time we agreed on anything. neither can i remember a non-sarcastic you. neither, for that matter, have i ever got you to admit we're even friends. you'd laugh/roll your eyes/make a rude comment if i tell you the number of times i've replayed every single meeting in my head. and how much i miss you when i don't get to talk to you. but, well, it's the truth. live with it :P

jeez, what a pointless post.

fine dining?

2009-01-02T09:37:00.000-08:00

to start with, wish you all a wonderful new year! may you have a safe, beautiful, happy and successful 2009!

these holidays have been everything a perfect holiday should be. I've woken up as late as 1.30 PM, eaten as much junk food as i wanted to (figure be damned. it helps that i don't have one to begin with :P), a lot of mindless tv watching, meeting friends old and new, reading, and avoiding the very thought of finishing assignments (holiday homework if you please! i am in my FINAL year of college, and i get hhw. sigh.) now of course, two days remain before concentration camp(read college) reopens, and i have two humungous projects to finish. sob. can someone tell me how to finish a weeks' worth of work in less than two days?

in the mindless tv watching was a fair bit of travel and living. i love all the cookery shows. and i especially like nigella lawson. not that i watch her program regularly, but she's nice. she's beautiful, her figure is wholesome, she laughs a lot, and she's a little messy in the kitchen. all of which makes her appealing. so one evening, i found myself watching her cook fried rice from leftovers. and then it was time for...dessert?

as she set about making it, my interest was piqued. i've lately had an exxageratedly active sweet tooth. she mentioned how it was her mom's favourite comfort food, and how simple and delicious it was. simple and delicious eh? great, it'd be a cinch even for a kitchen-handicapped person like me. i was already mentally savouring the rich, dool-worthy dessert.

and what does madam N do? she warms milk, breaks bread into little pieces, sprinkles sugar on it, and adds the warmed milk! cooking accomplished!

this is the same breakfast me mum forced me to have whenever she ran short of time, and i loathed it. it tasted like exactly nothing. i never imagined, even in my wildest dreams, that it'd make it to a cookery show!
now my mom can say she fed me gourmet food all the time. i was just too dense to appreciate it :P

what constitutes a (an almost) perfect day.

2008-12-23T23:43:00.000-08:00

waking up after 8, and still lazing around, because i know college wouldn't be serious about taking classes on the last day.
reaching college about 25 mins late, and seeing the class half-empty, with the benches cleaned and stacked at the back. evidently, the cleaning staff knew something that we didn't :P
escaping within 15 mins to a friend's pg, putting our feet up and chatting nineteen to the dozen.
go shopping.
have pizza for lunch.
visit blossom (for the non-bangaloreans, it's the best bookshop around, selling both new and old books at really affordable prices) and refuse to leave inspite of friends threatening to abandon me and go away.
indulging in an orgy of book buying after what feels like ages. every time i'd (be dragged) to the billing counter, i'd wander away again and return with another "must-buy" book :P
really being dragged out by force by friends after buying about 14 books and beginning to angle for the 15th one.
going shopping again. (clothes, this time)
beginning to complain after a finicky friend just couldn't decide on what to buy (those books were heavy!)
finally concluding the shopping session to everyone's satisfaction.
going to cafe coffee day, bagging the sofa. sipping on cafe mocha and playing scrabble.
dissolving into laughter when a friend sitting opposite me angrily demanded how dare i pass off an "ulta dog" as a word. ( i made GOD. yeah, we were playing at really elementary levels, and i had very useless tiles)
saying fond goodbyes all around, since we won't be meeting till college reopens.
coming home and spending most of the time soaking in the feeling of being surrounded by books clamouring for my attention.
chatting on the phone for more than an hour with someone who's fast becoming a dear friend. (am just realizing the inordinately huge amount of talking i accomplished that day :P)
blissfully contemplating 14 college-free days ahead.
ah, life is good :) :)

PS: Many thanks to HP and M4 for the award! i'd pass it on soon! :)

incidentally, i don't seem to be able to paste the pic and description of the award. can someone help? :(

being as tech-handicapped as i am, it's a wonder i manage to maintain a blog at all!

the day before

2008-12-15T08:29:00.000-08:00

my college has tests/exams/whatever you wanna call'em, all the time. so much so that while they still inspire terror, they definitely don't galvanize me into action. when the internals were scheduled to start from 13th, i happily thought right till the 11th... "13th is ages away! sab ho jayega..." and from there, it was a direct leap to panic mode.

panic? really?

i finally took down the syllabus for the first couple of tests on 11th. realized that 12th was a wedding reception i desperately wanted to attend (i have no other social life, see?) piously made up my mind to study in the evening. right? right.

how i can spend hours together in front of the idiot box watching exactly nothing continues to baffle me. anyhow, 11th gone, and absolutely nothing accomplished.

but i am extremely rigid about some things. if i wanted to go the reception, i would, and a couple of silly tests wasn't about to stop me. not even when they have astronomical syllabi, most of which i've never even seen properly before. as i swished around in sari, i got calls from friends marvelling at my sheer pigheadedness and well... courage, apparently.

came back home around 11. and did i start in right earnest then? no sireeee! not when farhan akhtar is cracking lame jokes on oye! it's friday! how can i not watch?

so reception done, dinner done, drooling over farhan done, i finally start at 12 am, intending to make it an all-nighter.

read the notes once. damn, why does it have to be both long and boring? looked at the time, it was just past 1. okay, maybe i'd lie down for 5 mins. just a quick shut-eye session.

had a bizzare dream about a friend yelling at me, and shaking me awake. that worked (thanks a bunch, ayo!). kept my eyes screwed shut, sure i'd slept right till 7 am. muttering a quick prayer (to nobody in particular. man, being an atheist is hard after years of praying to every deity around) i unshut an eyelid and checked.

4.50 am. big, big trouble.

feverishly read through the notes in the next 2.5 hours. and even between that, i had time for eight ten minute breaks. breaks when i managed to burrow under the quilt and dream for a nice holiday after the tests are over.

seriously, is it me? or is this just normal for every student?

or is it that science is really no longer holding my interest?

damn. let me not get into the soul searching mode now. not when four tests are still left.

an appeal

2008-12-05T05:54:00.000-08:00

please, please, write in to me (as short or as long as you want it to be) on your thoughts about what happened in mumbai last week. my email id's dvilish_angel28@yahoo.co.in. we need your voices, and your opinions. please pitch in.
thankie!

third time around

2008-12-02T05:43:00.000-08:00

i love donating blood. for some reason it makes me feel enormously good about myself :)

the first time wasn't by choice; my grandmom was undergoing an operation and the blood bank would only release the much needed blood if an equivalent amount was donated. since my family's populated by diabetics/hypertension afflicted individuals, i was the only suitable donor. i was a tad underage, and had to fib about my DOB. it hurt a little, but i got awesome treatment from the nurses. one would think i was a celebrity! right from asking me what i'd like to eat to delivering it all to my bed while i was recuperating. i think it's the lavish care which prompts me to keep donating *grins*

i hadn't been able to go for most of the blood donation camps held in college in the last six months due to various reasons. i would've missed this one too if someone hadn't casually mentioned it. the doctor was hilarious. he actually asked me which gaon i am from, and couldn't locate my vein after inserting the needle (okay, i admit, that did hurt) plus he wouldn't let me see the bag after being filled. i think he thought i might faint or something. a fair number of girls did, too. he was also horrified at my running off barely 10 minutes after the procedure because i had a very important practical session to attend :D

which involved so much of ether and alcohol that the class was collectively woozy! it was quite a day, i tell you :)

i personally think donating blood is a very good idea. blood regeneration happens in a matter of hours to a few weeks at maximum. if done under supervised conditions it's extremely safe. of course, if you flinch at the very sight of needles/blood, are underage, weigh less than 50kgs, or have low haemoglobin count/ high or low BP, it's not for you. you can check this site for more information.

so long!

another site you could try visiting would be this.

wednesday, thursday, friday...

2008-11-28T00:01:00.000-08:00

i had to switch off the TV after being overwhelmed with the grim visuals on air for more than 35 hours. it's depressing to see the toll keep going up. not to mention the curious fact that even as it's being said that the hotel's been "sanitised" fresh explosions break out. just how many terrorists are actually holed up in the taj/oberoi/nariman house?

my father mentioned another interesting point. considering the amount of gunfire exchanged for over a day and a half, they must have a huge stash of ammo at their disposal. some well planned attack, this.

does anyone believe the deccan mujahideen's claim? this one's got ISI-assisted written all over it.

cheers to the bravehearts of mumbai polics/NSG/ATS/the Army who've been battling it out. my heart goes out to all those who've lost their loved ones. nobody's deserves this kind of pain. except the people who are perpetrating this macabre dance of death.

it's time to stand together as a nation and give it back as good as we get. it's time to declare war.

of course, we'll move on. we're a pretty resilient bunch. but please, let's not forget. or forgive. not this time.

this can't be happening

2008-11-27T07:56:00.000-08:00

i've been glued to the television for most of the evening, oscillating between horror, grief and anger so extreme that it hurt physically. this can't be happening to mumbai. not again. omigod not again!!
who are these assholes, who think they're doing their religion any service by bloodshed? i hope every single one of them dies in the most painful manner possible. and if your religion really teaches you this, then... well... let's just say you all need serious "help".
i might sound like a bigot. i might even sound a little disjointed. i don't apologize. i mean every cuss word i use here. them swines deserve them. and a lot more.
and mr singh, we're tired of the condemnation and the convenient "neighbouring-country-exporting-terror" spiel. we're out of patience. chuck the excuses, we need some answers. and some action.
PS: i don't get the focus on the taj. i understand the whole symbolic thing of course, but isn't the 110 (possibly much more) lives that have been lost a LOT more important? and what the f***'s is "India's 9/11"?? this is an Indian tragedy, which doesn't need an American prop to make it sound more important. it's pretty ghastly as it is.
ms. barkha dutt, did you really ask a little boy how he felt about his daddy being held hostage? no no no. you break my heart.
cricket matches have been cancelled. wow, now that's a tragedy.
i was just wondering about the security at important places like the taj. back entrance or no back entrance, where were the metal detectors? and did the police really take more than 3 hours to turn up? does anybody have any answers why?
sadhvi pragya can probably celebrate.
and if any authority figure invokes the "spirit of mumbai", i'm gonna murder him/her. let's not use that as a convenient excuse. mumbai's been bled too often.
mr singh talks about formulating tougher terror laws. good morning mr singh, dincha wake up rather late? and what the f***'s the point of the goddamn laws if they're never implemented?
this. has. to. end.

stay safe.

She loves dancing

2008-11-25T08:27:00.000-08:00

She loves dancing.
The little blue frock whirls around,
her pigtails bouncing,
little golden clips pushed securely,
into the wayward curls.
She laughs out loud
in sheer delight.
Her little legs couldn't move fast enough.

The dance, the joy,
Are all savagely tossed aside
like limp rag dolls,
by a trucker's raging impatience.
A mere adolescent,
fighting to shoulder terrible, terrible grief.
Stoic, unemotional.
Destiny snatched away the music.
She flounders in the silence.

Braided hair. Shiny clips.
A bright sequinned dress, with enough ruffles,
to satisfy every last maidenly dream.
But the eyes are dead, the dance,
merely a welcome chore.
She closes and padlocks her soul away
from the lewd accusations
in every hungry eye,
and the horror that follows
night, after night, after night.

She loved dancing...

PS: just as a matter of interest, this was written was listening with half an ear to a lecture on "New function for heterochromatin protein 1 (HP1) alpha isoform in neuronal terminal differentiation" :) i had no problems with the lecture itself, except that the professor had a rather strong french accent :( so now, one side of the notebook has notes, and the other side, this.

scenes from the city

2008-11-23T06:41:00.000-08:00

noticed in a small paratha joint run by punjabis:

"credit would be given to those over 85 years of age. (in smaller print) when accompanied by both parents" :P

i have heard this quip before, but it's nice to see people having a sense of humour!

(in case you're a bangalorean, i suggest you try the place out. it's called paratha plaza and it's in sanjaynagar. the parathas are delicious. and the gulab jamuns worth dying for! how do you think am maintaining my weight? :P)

while walking back from college, i noticed a white car spouting water. from its roof. you read that right. i know i wasn't hallucinating, 'cause some of it fell on the sleeve of my kurta. and it was water, not oil. do cars act as part-time fountains? very entertaining, i say!

an unmoving, unbelievable traffic jam took centrestage on 18th november. as a matter of fact, i saw that only the next day, in the newspapers. my friends couldn't reach home before 10.30. which means they were stuck in transit for more than 7 hrs! and then kumaraswamy asks us why we whine. really, what's there to complain about?!

it's been raining off and on over the last couple of days. when sister and moi decided to go for a quick bite at the local chinese joint, the auto ride was enough to jolt our bones into creaky protests (as if my already bad back needs help!) the roads were straight out of the moon! they ought to have tested chandrayaan on'em :D my dad snickers at the "IT city" label.

but you know, when i walk back home from college, through KP, i notice none of the problems. i notice the blessed peace and quiet. the huge number of trees around each house. the parks. the riotous blooms of krishnachura and radhachura. the smell of the earth after a shower. the birdsong. and i fall in love with bangalore, all over again.

(not to say traffic jams are cool. kumaraswamy ji, that wasn't the smartest move to make!)

PS: being a regular comment crave-er, i want all my new blog friends to read the only halfway decent story i've ever written. please drop a comment. thanks! i love you all! *grins*

of cribbing and clinging

2008-11-21T09:29:00.000-08:00

my college has a sizeable number of "help staff". these are people who scurry around wearing dark blue saris/uniforms keeping the campus clean. i've heard their pay's not too great and they're treated very strictly ( NO this is not another rant about my college!) but they're very cheerful and efficient. there's one particular lady who fascinates me.
she cleans up the ground floor classrooms. that, i presume, is her assigned duty. but everyday, after she's done, she gets hold of a bunch of coloured chalks. and draws the most beautiful kolams in front of the classes. i've not yet seen a design repeated. she draws in happy absorption, not caring about whether anyone appreciates her or not. sadly enough, very few people do. some are even insensitive enough to walk right over them. once, i tried complimenting her, but my kannada failed me. but her beaming smile (after a lot of really bad miming) made my day!
i've lately realized that cribbing's become my favourite time-killer. everything's on my hitlist- college comes up tops, but silly things like abhishek bachchan being stupid enough to marry ash (yes, imagine!) and my own bad result (okay, not bad bad, but not great either) also figure in it. i'm the matyr, and the whole world is conspiring against me. and then there are people like her, who quietly go about their own business, doing more than asked for. time for a reality check, i guess.
among my 'crib' topics is how some people i know are clingy. i've been boring my friends with long spiels about "i need my space and clinginess gets to me", but i cling too. i cling to school memories, often refusing to face up the fact that those days are over for good. i can't even begin to imagine the end of college. and so now, i cling to buddies here, painfully aware that the countdown has already begun. sigh. when will i learn to bid goodbye?

where's the line?

2008-11-12T04:36:00.000-08:00

it's strange but the older i get, the harder it is for me to leave home. maybe it has something to do with the fact that i come home for holidays to only laze about and do as i please; not to mention the fact that my parents spoil me rotten as well :)
making it into the flight back to bangalore was trickier than usual. was made to wait for an eternity after being put on standby. but i ought not complain much, seeing that my tickets are practically free, thanks to daddy. was expecting the middle seat, and got it too :(
the man next to me was non-descript. middle aged, slight paunch, balding plate, nice clothes, and radiating respectabilty. what really caught my interest was that he had an iphone. i haven't got a chance to see one in action for ages now, so i shamelessly checked it out. but this post isn't about that.
i settled in for a doze post dinner. having cricked my neck rather badly, i could only tip my head towards this guy, and not towards the other copassenger. i thought it wouldn't bother him, as long as i kept "within" my seat, so to speak. that he could bother me didn't occur to me at all.
it started off with little jabs against my arms with his fingers. then slow drumming against my elbow. little strokes. being half asleep and rather confused, i gave him the benefit of doubt ("maybe am taking up too much of the armrest") and twisted away slightly. and i was tired enough to go back to sleep.
the second time around, there was no mistaking it. the caresses were that much more brazen. and then he started touching my knees, for chrissake. i jerked away again, muttered some choice expletives under my breath and started counting the minutes till the damn plane would land. he went back to being eminently respectable.
i don't know why i didn't do anything else. maybe because i hate confrontations? maybe because the touches weren't overtly sexual? who demarcates the thin line between an honest mistake (it certainly didn't feel like it) and ugly behavior? and why did i feel an instant rush of guilt/feeling cheap after this incident? i even did a mental review of my clothing. but why should i need to do that at all?!
i definitely learnt one lesson. snazzy iphones do not a nice man make :(

PS: the point of this post is, dear female reader, don't be a wimp like me if, heaven forbid, you come across jerks like this. make sure he'd think twice before trying a similar stunt with someone else. and maybe the guys can explain why these things keep happening, cutting across age and social classes.

truly jumbo at heart

2008-11-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

you will be missed, kumble. thank you for the many years of patient service to the game. you're an example we'd wish the gen next learns from. wishing you a beautiful life post-retirement :)
and as for a tribute, i couldn't do anything better than this.
cheers to the man who eptitomized dignity in indian cricket!

strangers i know: part II

2008-10-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

the trouble with a holiday is that it gives me time to think. my brain being completely unused to such activity retaliates by thinking about things that are both irrelevant and disturbing. like how the high school friendships have broken down almost entirely. we were a batch that (in retrospect) went absolutely OTT during the farewell. the tears would've alleviated a drought. and the hugs and kisses, if witnessed by the principal, would've given him apoplexy (he had a problem if guys and girls walked together. hmph!) there were endless promises to be friends beyond forever. three months, and most people had no contact with the majority of their batchmates.

as i was a late entrant in the school and very against cliques, i was a sort of friends with the entire batch. trouble is, am still in touch with a lot of people. who enthusiastically plan get-togethers when i come home. there's only one hitch: we have absolutely nothing to talk about. it's pretty sad. i hope it wouldn't happen to college pals as well (6 months, and i'll graduate and move cities. again. i HATE changes)

Brain and me started off as online friends. the friendship spilled over to real life when we met during summer. despite having nothing in common (he prolly has double my IQ) i had a superfun time when we met again this time. ditto with Romeo (okay, i watched roadside romeo with him and i can't come up with intelligent nickies) are you detecting a pattern here? they're both guys. is it my imagination, or committed girls (a lot of my gal pals are) really become slightly boring? and (dare i say it?) stupid?

many congratulations to viswanathan anand for proving again that he's the best. am not particularly fond of chess myself though. too slow for me.too cerebral. i taught the game to my cousin, who beat me hollow every single time we played after that. no respect, no gratitude. hmph.

kotla's turning out to be a happy hunting ground for India. the double double centuries were a treat. i do wish dada got more runs though.

i'd not relish being ponting right now :P

this is pretty much of a nothing post. sorry about inflicting this on you :(

PS: i want to watch a couple of really feel good movies. can someone suggest something?

i know, am just too old to understand

2008-10-24T22:54:00.000-07:00

this is a story. of a little boy who gets transferred to ANIMAL school. i don't know why. he befriends a shark, a giraffe, an baboon, a "bandar", a snake, and such like species of the animal kingdom. his best friend's name is shamsher. or sikander, who is the "bandar" (we'll call him S to eliminate confusion). now one fine day everyone realizes S is changing. he has got a new object of affection. and that is (hold your breath) his BUM. he checks it out himself every passing minute. he names'em bunty and babli (and don't you dare ask what is "them") he can't stay for a full minute without looking at... well... you know. and he kisses it too. when his friends object to this excessive PDA, he gets offended and stalks off.
only to go to his locker, take out a helium cylinder and blow that particular part of anatomy up, so much so that he floats off. he crashes back to earth only when a particularly ugly and repulsive looking bird pricks him with a pin.
this was when i switched off the TV. i was watching a tom and jerry rerun, and this started after that got over. seriously, do kids nowadays enjoy this drivel? perhaps am biased (while i love animation, am a fan of old disney classics like the little mermaid and aladdin) but i was more than just taken aback. i was apalled.
but atleast i know who to blame if a kid develops a love affair with his "pichhwara" (that's what they call it on the show) S! u #**&$%#!!

strangers i know

2008-10-24T04:21:00.000-07:00

the new airport at bangalore is far away. it didn't help matters that the stupid car had a flat tyre a couple of kilometres before reaching. we cut it very fine, and i really thought that for once we'd miss the flight (we've come close before, with me having to take everything as cabin baggage as there was no time to check it in. and being a short person, you can imagine how hard it was to put all that stuff in. don't laugh!)
in the plane, i see mum and dad animatedly chatting with a guy.
me: who the heck is that?
mum (whisper): that's our neighbour. fourth floor.
me (astonished) : yeah? new neighbour?
mum (edgily): are you daft? they've always been there! his father was your dad's colleague.
really? how come i never noticed? and this is a decent looking guy. just started working or something. something's wrong with my radar, i tell you.
spent all of yesterday relishing being back home. but when i unpacked, i was horrified. what was i thinking of when i packed? i have brought NO clothes! well, almost. i mean, it wouldn't even last me a week, and am staying for more than a fortnight! what will i do?? how monumentally stupid of me!
i did sort of suggest to ma that maybe i could shop for some odds and ends but her ferocious "not AGAIN!" glare scared me.
met some old friends-cum-strangers today. had nothing to contribute to the conversation, so contented myself with listening. but i learnt some important facts about myself :
1) my new frames makes me look like a boring professor (!)
2) i am well on my way to matching an err... some sumo wrestler with an unpronounceable name.
so, isn't that a good alternative career?
PS: many happy returns to polo, who turns ... well, that's nobody's business. thanks to her, my IIT stint was full of fun, gossip, late night movies, heart to heart talks and minimal amout of academics. love you girl *bearhug*

a leetle disappearing act :)

2008-10-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

i dont think i've ever stayed away from my blog as long as this before. and that too after my exams got over. weird, eh? writing so much (and writing creatively at that, for i'd often only half an answer and had to make up the rest) during the finals took their toll, and i wanted a break. that accomplished, am back!

post exams was the usual let's-go-for-lunch-and-coffee-and-gossip for the quartet. we tried a mangalorean restaurant on MG (after spending about half an hour walking up and down the streets trying to locate the damn place. i tell you, nobody among us has a decent sense of direction! it makes going to new places a thoroughly entertaining affair) i had to endure fishy smells and the sight of moi pals gorging on crab and fish and whatnot while i suppressed the gag reflex and plodded on with the decently cooked chicken and rice.

after wandering around a bit post lunch, we dove into CCD as it started raining. what's with the revised prices? it hurts to shell out 50 bucks for a cappucino!! since we were all in a good mood we didn't fuss, but i think i'm gonna avoid this place from now on. my pocket complains.

talk revolved around... what else? but college. it speaks volumes about the lack of a social life that after finishing final exams all we can do is bitch about the same old stuff. but we also did talk about a trip to pondicherry that we're planning, around mid-november. my parents are usually cool with me doing stuff by myself, but am not so sure about my friends. hopefully it'll all work out! *fingers crossed*

my family believes in celebrating everything the same way- travelling. so we went to yercaud for a couple of days. am not so great with hill stations myself (and i kept my reputation intact by throwing up after the 17th hairpin bend while going up. damn, there were only 3 more!) but this place was really beautiful. since am still a techno-ignoramus and can't place pics properly, i'd upload'em separately.

now it's back to packing. again. sometimes i wonder if it wouldn't be better to just keep a suitcase ready so that am always ready to leave at a moment's notice. i have a HUGE pile of unread books. naturally i need to take every single one of them, regardless of whether i read them or not. and (this has become quite a joke) am carrying my french notes. AGAIN. i dunno why i have this naive hope that this holiday would be different from the eat-sleep-socialize-eat some more-sleep again holidays that i've spent at home :P

flight's at the unearthly hour of 6 am (more because that means leaving home by 4.30) but the good bit is that i'd be home by 10 tops. which gives me a whole day to get used to being in kolkata again :)

and since hometown affects me in weird ways, expect strange posts for the next fortnight or so :)

PS: i know am stretching this, but i had to *dance a bit* about the thumping win over aus at mohali. LOVED the expression on ponting's face. clearly, the world champs are being challenged. seriously.

am waiting for madame dikshit to say that people walking under the flyover were being "adventurous", like the ridiculous comment she made post soumya viswanathan's death. madame, you really need to step out and experience the world out there for yourself, minus the security cordon and all the fanfare.

and really, how long are we going to let junior thackeray hold mumbai to ransom? someone quickly hand him a civics textbook stating the fundamental right of an indian citizen to stay and earn a living anywhere in the country. shame shame mr t, you don't even know your class 6 texts properly!

cheap?

2008-10-16T05:32:00.000-07:00

i just realized today that my college demands to be PAID for attesting copies of marksheets. marksheets issued by them in the first place. am i paying for my principal's autograph?

just so i know, does this happen anywhere else?

(have i ever mentioned which college i study in? hopefully not. just 6 more months, and i can rant, with names attached, as much as i want :P)

just one more paper left. which would go badly simply because it is the last one. oh well, do i care? am going home! *can't stop grinning*

the side effects

2008-10-13T06:14:00.000-07:00

suddenly, the bed looks extremely inviting. 24X7. no matter if i've just woken up from a 3 hour nap. if i have a book in hand, chances are i'd nod off again in 20 mins.
i am interested in the storylines of all the serials my family watches or doesn't. even balaji soaps. yes, that bad!
i feel like sketching after more than 2 years.
i am forbidden to lock my door. everyone knows that if i do that, i never study.
i read my family and other animals (surreptitiously, of course) for perhaps the eleventh time and laugh uproariously, inviting severe censure from the family.
i am a model of obedience when ma says it's too early in the morning to start studying and that i should probably start an hour later. after all, maa sab jaanti hai :D
i daydream about the past, future, everything but the exam the next day.
i have to really check if the note am reading is in english and within the scope of the syllabus.
when smses become a way to feed off each other's panic. not that i panic. i stay serene with the firm belief that exams would go badly anyway :)
murphy's law (whatever i left out comes in the paper) and relativity of time acquire a whole new unpleasant meaning.

there's just one good thing about exams. one very very good thing.
sometime or the other, it gets over!

halfway through!

PS: Shubho Bijoya everyone! have a wonderful year ahead :D

obssessed quest

2008-10-03T08:04:00.000-07:00

disgusted, she turned away from the mirror and ran to the basin.

the finger down her throat hurt, but there was no alternative. she threw up. thrice. her throat was raw, but she felt blessedly empty.

studying her reflection again, she frowned. a lot of work was still needed to get to that perfect figure.

this comes from seeing girls in college who're beyond slim and still talk about weight problems. i'll continue to be gloomy over the next few days because am missing durga pujo in kolkata, i have exams coming up, and my backache's back in a "new, improved" avatar.

nonetheless, i hope y'all enjoy the festive season. smile and shine!

the days that were...

2008-10-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

time's whizzing by, and before i know it i'd be giving my penultimate final exams in this college. life's a blur of notes, frantic smses (babe, when was this taught? i can't understand anything!) and making long, ambitious and utterly useless revision schedules. 5th semester was a bit of a mess from the word go, so am not expecting any miracles to save me from doing badly. and being an eternal optimist, there's always a next time! :)

trying to concentrate on the notes sometimes brings back unusual memories. like right now, when i was (really!) trying to understand bio-inorganic chemistry, i kept breaking out into giggles thinking about W, a high school swain. call it a side effect of studying in an all-girls' college for 3 years.

for a plain jane, i had a surprising number of "proposals" (a word which's detestably businesslike) in high school, many of them outright hilarious. W was especially funny. though studying in different classes, we hit it off from the first day due to a shared love of music and good literature, and a common route to school. ma would often exasperatedly demand just what we had to discuss for hours on the phone when we had just english as the common subject! everything was nice and fine and sorted, or so i thought.

scene- at pondicherry for a school trip. walking by the boulevard. inconsequential chitchat, when W gets all serious and says he wants to tell me something important.

me: yeah?

W: PI, i...er... you know... i've been thinking... about... well...

me (getting impatient) : what? stop stammering like an idiot.

W: about us, you know?

me (being the usual blockhead): what about us?

W (in a rush): ithinkiaminlovewithyoudoyoulovemetoo?

me: huh? could you repeat that?

W (increasingly desperate): i think i am in love with you.

me (blank, and then, insenstitively enough, loud laugh): okay, joke's over. whose stupid idea was this?

W: you don't understand. i am serious. really i am. i can do anything for you.

me: like what?

W (very, very theatrically): if you temme to jump in the sea right now, i will.

me: okay, jump into the sea, W (yes, i can be wicked)

W struggles to find a suitable reply while i run away to the safety of my girlfriends. the resulting gossip was hugely amusing.

and roses still make me laugh cause they always remind me of W on a valentine's day, furiously pedalling his bike and holding out a bouquet of red roses while i(in the auto) stubbornly look away and choke down giggles.

it was a happy ending though. he finally fell for a girl who did his feelings more justice than i did (i did penace by playing matchmaker) and they've been together for the last 3 years. he is a vocalist in an upcoming local band. i still tease him about his "undying love" towards me. and he'd probably kill me if he reads this!
damn, i miss those days. high school was a disaster academically, but it sure was fun!

what's your story? 'fess up! :)

Q/A

2008-09-30T06:01:00.000-07:00

many thanks to M4 for sending this tag along, because am having a serious case of blogger's block :(

The rules for the tag are:

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 6 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

shock, disbelief and then complete self-isolation, for a very long time

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?

be outstanding in any one particular field; be it dance, or music, or creative writing

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?

nobody i know personally, but i'd say a lot of politicians would deserve it!

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

set up a charity foundation for underprivileged kids. and travel to all those beautiful places i

sigh over in travel mags

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?

i don't have a "best friend". but a relationship with a friend would be very comfortable,

methinks

6. Which is more blessed: loving someone or being loved by someone?

loving someone and being loved back (by the same person, of course! :P). i want it all!

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you love?

in our heart of hearts, do we ever give up?

8. If the person you secretly like is attached, what will you do?

remain friends with him and end up feeling even worse. and listen to a lot of sad songs.

9. If you could root for one social cause, what would it be?

against female foeticide and for population control

10. What takes you down the fastest?

as in annoys me? snobs and MCPs

11. Where do you see yourself in 10 years time?

i don't even know what i'd be doing in 6 months' time! but *hopefully* doing something i enjoy. and definitely see myself with an adopted kid or two.

12. What’s your fear?

losing any member of my family. am paranoid about that.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

a brilliant writer, someone who makes motherhood seem beautiful and joyous and fun!

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?

single and rich. i haven't experienced matrimony yet :D

15. What’s the first thing you do wen you wake up?

hit the snooze button and go back to sleep for another 10mins

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously who will you pick?

the one who seems more trustworthy.

17. Would you give all in a relationship?

it doesn't work any other way. but giving one's all is both scary and risky, so very often i

hold back.

18. Would you forgive and forget someone no matter how horrible a thing he has done?

forgive, yes. forget, no. and very rarely, i might even exact revenge.

19. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?

a singleton's life is infinitely simpler. but commitment can be beautiful :)

20. List of 6 people to tag:

Ess

Chitra

Abc

Vinay

Trillian

have fun with it :)

FMD

2008-09-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

i should thank a certain Mr.Singh for making me realise how deeply i "love" Bush. and to think that all these years i thought my sentiments lay in exactly the opposite direction!
what's with the foot in mouth disease, pradhan mantri ji?

intentionally depressed

2008-09-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

there's no real reason, y'know. practical papers are finally over, and i have a two week break before (ugh) theory papers begin. persisting in her wild over-estimates about me, me mum really thought i'd start preparing from day 1. sigh, when would she know her daughter? like know the fact that i'm the biggest kaam-chor around?! and really, aren't prep leaves supposed to be more leave and less prep?
shopped a little. but it really depresses me a bit nowadays. the way people look askance when i ask for something western and modish. the "why the hell does the fatso want to wear something chic?" look irritates me more than i care to admit. okay, so am not thin. but i'd be damned if i let stupid shop assistants play havoc with my self esteem!! grrrr....
so, to celebrate the blues, i've been listening to a lot of sad songs. the kind you might want to sit with a tissue paper while listening. was most impressed ( or is it depressed?) by janis ian's "at seventeen". highly recommended, especially for people (like me) who didn't have the smoothest teenhood. other sad picks would include "space oddity" by david bowie and "last kiss" by pearl jam *sniffle*
just had another face-off with ma. why is she SO intent on me topping in my last year? am always happy being the first 3 of the class. actually, as long as i am happy, even that doesn't matter. damn. feeling even blue-er. if that was possible.

speechless

2008-09-24T02:33:00.000-07:00

he swallowed hard. she was beautiful. unreachable. she'd brush him off as another fan enamoured of her dancing skills. nevertheless, he pushed on.
she smiled at his compliments. and in a quick, fluid gesture, indicated her muteness. stunned, he stammered a goodbye and turned away. the smile twisted in bitterness.
some things would never change.

this is my first ever attempt at a 55 after reading many brilliant ones on blogosphere. do read and review. thankie!
PS: and even if it is very bad, pleej be kind!

halfway through

2008-09-20T01:35:00.000-07:00

practical exams always end up being a bit comic for me. with six practicals this time (groan!) it's double the fun :P
zoology was okay. sir asked us which experiment we wanted to do. opened mussel shells for us when we couldn't manage it ( we were supposed to check its heart rate at varying temperatures) and pretty much made it easy for us. for once, my specimen behaved itself and didn't abruptly die (would it have anything to do with my whispers of "baby please don't die on me"? positive reinforcement, eh?) not only does it upset me, it throws the whole experiment out of kilter. for once, zoology wasn't the mess it usually is.
no comments about the first chem practical. every single person has got a different value for the same experiment! i have no idea how that happened!
today was the other chem practical. pretty decent. of course a helpful lab attendant who confirms one's reading is always a blessing :)
ma bapi here. ma's already taken over the kitchen, much to my sister's and my joy. bapi's throwing out dark hints about having a "proper talk" regarding my future plans (i don't know. i have no idea. what do i tell him??) and me and ma are discussing marriage. my marriage, that is. not studying any further seems like a very attractive proposition right now :P
how's y'all doing?

nm

2008-09-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

exams starting in about 2 days. know nothing. so it's back to the notes and books and records and *argh* studying. would try to resurface from this morass from time to time.

till then, toodles. and wish me luck! nobody needs it more than me now! :D

a new india

2008-09-13T08:37:00.000-07:00

where terror stalks every step taken.

where people sit home on weekends, too scared to go out and have fun... what if one has to pay for it with lost lives?

where fanaticism flourishes, and lines between international terrorists and homegrown extremists have begun to blur, with one common end result- bloodshed.

where the police are always caught by surprise by terrorist attacks, and never have any answers.

where an innocuous statement about the national language becomes fodder for oppotunistic politicans looking to score off cheap publicity stunts.

where people are hindus, muslims, sikhs, christians first. then marathis, gujaratis and "north indies". and indians last.

where the government indulges in blame game while people riot for food and supplies in bihar.

where amitabh bachchan's lack of sleep in london is the most important news for the media.

where politicians oppose each other for the sake of doing it, with no regard for the national/state interest.

where mamata banerjee doesn't shut up and let WB get it's first big industrial project in ages.

where a brutal murder of a fourteen year old and a servant is reduced to a farcial comedy of errors.

where the kashmir issue drags on, and on, and on.

welcome to india

how does one sustain hope in times like these?

the elusive kilometre

2008-09-11T07:09:00.000-07:00

some hard and boring facts

the public transport system in bangalore comprises rickety buses and autos, the latter being the equivalent of taxis.

the minimum fare is fourteen rupees, which is for the first 2km of travel.

the rate after that is seven rupees per kilometre.

my college is a little over 2km away from home. a little.

it's hard enough to get an auto in the morning. 2km is just too close for them to bother. the fact that i am already late for class, with every chance of being denied attendance, doesn't make any difference to them, naturally. it's an inauspicious start with me muttering darkly about non-cooperative people and inefficient public transport and all that. till i get the coveted three wheeler, utter a short prayer of thanks and settle in for the 7-8 mins' journey.

what really deserves special mention is the auto metre, which is a technological marvel. it shows up fares starting from a reasonable fifteen rupees, to a downright astonishing 21 rupees. which basically means an extra kilometre. now where does this kilometre vanish from time to time? it doesn't show up when am walking home. or when my jijz is dropping me to college. is it specially reserved for the auto-wallahs? or is it just plain shy? being a person who loathes any sort of confontration, i try not to mind this. but when it happened for too many days in succession, it got on my nerves.

me: "bhaiyya aapke metre me problem hai. college tak 2km hi hona chahiye. itna zayada kaise ho gaya??"

him: "yenamma?" (what?)

me: (muttering) "dammit. metre gadbad hai. (then again, slowly and clearly) metre problem."

him: (looking dumb) "hindi gotilla ma." ( don't know hindi)

me: forget it!

it's curious how they all become intensely kannadiga whenever i complain!

and of course, some things never "change". if the fare's nineteen, they'll happily pocket the twenty bucks and determinedly look away. if i demand the one rupee, they either give me a matyred look and give it ("how can you be so mean-minded?") or more usually, give a broad smile and quip, "change illa ma!" earlier, i'd be charmed by this endearing way of using 'ma' for girls, but i know better now. it's a just a ploy to distract you from their annoying habits!

maybe i should take a bus. i can't complain about their condition after being trained to hang on to the footboards in kolkata!

maybe i should stop being so stingy.

maybe i should shut up.

PS: kyunki saas... or kahaani ghar ghar ki may soon go off air, thanks to flagging viewer interest. do i get to say hallelujah for the collective de-stupid-isation of the indian female population? (sorry about that word)

PS: i got my fellowship money after six months of waiting. am rich, am rich.

okay, i'll shut up now. you can be relieved.

so, what's so great about her?

2008-09-09T07:25:00.000-07:00

i am not much of a political person. especially so, when it's the US political scene that's in question. with reams of newsprint devoted to it, i just have a superficial idea of what's going on. at one point, i was hoping Hillary Clinton would make the cut (for no particular reason, except that she's a woman!) but then Barack Obama made it through, and i was okay with that too. anybody would be an improvement over bush, i say! the republican party was an even vague-er entity, with some war veteran who earned negative points in my book for saying he intends to keep the forces in iraq (question: who cares what they score in my book?!)

but then Sarah Palin was selected by McCain as the running mate, and all hell broke loose. ok-ay, so the woman's rather good looking. but her political record's neither long nor that great. but seeing that she's got the entire country in a tizzy (US, i mean. India is too busy coping with the bihar floods and a finally-resolved singur mess) i thought i'd read some more about her. what i read didn't impress me at all. from a purely personal perspective, that is.

not only is it slightly incongruous to think of a woman with five kids contesting for veep (i have a problem with the five kids bit,not her contesting), her daughter's pre marital pregnancy isn't much to recommend either. considering she's about 18 years old and much too young to manage parenthood and an impending marraige. one suspects irresponsibilty of her parents, to be honest!

she also publicly supports "intelligent design".that's alarming. so does she really believe god woke up one morning and in the space of a week, created everything from scratch? so much for scientific education!

and for some more good news from the TOI (dated sep 7,2008) "She is staunchly anti-abortion, opposing exceptions for rape and incest, and opposes gay marriage and spousal rights for gay couples." so madam palin believes a raped and traumatised woman, who never wanted to be pregnant, would have to give birth to her rapist's child anyway. apparently, a still insensible embryo has more rights than a woman who's suffered in both body and spirit. and when a leader is publicly so homophobic, how can we ever hope for a world fair/at least neutral to homosexuals?

obviously this is a pointless post. what i think about her is of no consequence per se. but what's disturbing is the enthusiasm with which she's been emraced by the electorate. one hope that with the chants of "sa-rah pa-lin" reason would also not get washed away. i always believed a woman leader's a good idea, wherever she may be. but not her. not her.

home-foodsick.

2008-09-05T00:59:00.000-07:00

BT had an advert today, of this restaurant named silver metro. it featured several plump hilsa fishes and a proclamation of a bengali food festival over the next ten days. i wanna go! i wanna go!

anyobdy who knows me knows am a complete foodie. and sadly, now, if you even look at me you can guess that food and me and best buddies. am not hugely experimentative. i love chinese, thai, and of late i've developed a fetish for continental cuisine. but nothing, and i mean NOTHING, beats home food.

let me start with stating the obvious: my mom's a heavenly cook. no, really. not only is she very good, she loves trying out new recipes and i can't remember a single one that went wrong. how's that for a record? :)

while i love whatever she makes, whether it be pepper chicken or lachha parathas, what i really miss is the comfort food. simple, no-frills stuff. mushur dal(red lentils dal), redolent with the smell of fried onions and garlic. aloo-posto (potatoes with poppy seeds) now rather less ordinary thanks to the soaring poppy seed prices. echor er torkari (raw jackfruit curry), which can fairly be described as the vegetarian alternative mutton curry. tok dal (literally, sour dal with raw mangoes and koromcha, a red berry like thing whose english name am unable to find), a personal favourite, because i love anything sour. the sourer, the better! dhokar dalna (a preparation made of dal cakes, slightly similar to the famous "gatte ki sabzi" of rajasthan) doi bhindi ,a delicate mix of the flavours of mustard and curd, mochar ghonto, a sweetish dish made of banana flower (which's hard to make, and leaves hands blackened with the exudate from the flower itself).shukto's the classic bengali dish, having all possible vegetables accompanied by mild bitterness. banana proves it usefulness again in thor chhechki, made from banana stem, fulkopir torkari ( cauliflower curry) is a ho-hum dish, made on a regular basis, while baati chorchori's absurdly simple to make and absolutely delicious to boot! bengalis like their dishes slightly sweet, but thanks to ma i like my food spicy and hot! sweets like rosogolla, or langcha, provide the perfect finishing touch.

you might have noticed that i do not mention any non-vegetarian dishes. especially fish. all bengalis are supposed to be fish lovers, right? but am not typical that way. i loathe fish. except ilish maachh (the famous hilsa) and pomfret, for which i can give an arm and a leg. and am not big on mutton either. i like chicken, and i love egg. but for them, i would've gone vegetarian ages back.

as my friends snippily observe, i can't complain, since i stay with my sis and she cooks so am not subjected to the horrors of PG/hostel food anyway. but there's a difference! my sis hates cooking! she's not bad at it, but being a working woman she obviously doesn't have the time. or the loving patience, which shines through whatever ma makes.

can't wait for her to come and soothe my home-foodsick tummy. truly, one only appreciates something when one can no longer have it!

and as for the pic, how i wish that hand was mine :(

can't think of a title. really.

2008-09-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

weekend starts early. yay! 3 days of lazing around, watching reruns of the silliest movies possible, reading books, blogging, pigging out on chocolates (then deciding to go on a diet. mind you, that always comes post binge) and perhaps a spot of gift shopping for a friend. monday was supposed to be a holiday too, but predictably, i've extra classes :(
oh well, something's better than nothing. missed out on a chance to go to a lounge bar today. can't you guess the reason? &^%#*!! college, as always. more than 2 years in bangalore, and i haven't been to a pub yet. my friends are right. am weird.

things that make me happy

2008-09-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

for obvious reasons, i've been down and out over the last couple of days. more so when i realized PD's birthday was just 10 days away when things went so tragically awry. death shakes us as much as it does, for reasons beyond simple empathy. it scares us. it scares us because it brings our own mortality so sharply into focus. that's why one should dream like one would live forever, but live like one could die tomorrow. cliched, but true.

so i thought i'd do something i love- write! about stuff that always makes me smile, even when everything else conspires to push me to gloomy depths.

books/reading: my best friends, personal stressbuster and confidante all rolled in one. everything about books makes me happy (except the prices, nowadays!), the smell of crisp paper with words just waiting to tell me many secret tales. bookshops. bookshops with sofas and (ah! heaven!) coffeeshop attached. places like blossom which stock old books which do not burn a hole in my pocket. my first book was chimney corner stories by enid blyton, who remained my favourite throughout most of childhood. as an almost natural outcome, i love writing as well. i used to say i read everything, but i've realized recently (rather to my dismay) that some books bore me. agatha christie is my personal God and classics, thrillers, historical novels, indian fiction and not-too-technical science books appeal to me the most. ma's been pleading with me to empty my overflowing cupboards back home to make way for some other stuff, but tell me, how do i throw away those friends who've been there for me, no matter what?

dance: i started dancing at the rather young age of 3 and a half and the love affair continues till date :) adore this unspoken language. performed on numerous tv shows as a child. having learnt (and graduated) in kathak makes it my most preferred classical dance form. but all forms fascinate me, from odissi to mohiniyattam, from salsa to belly dance. given a chance i'd learn as many of'em as possible. strictly speaking, dance is forbidden for me, because of a chronic lower back problem, but in this case i prefer to think disobedience is a virtue! though i no longer learn, i still make it a point to dance almost everyday. particularly when am upset. i sometimes dance on the terrace in full view of neighbours who probably think am insane, but that's okay. as this beautiful quote by Constanze goes, "Dancing is like dreaming with your feet!"

music: am SO predictable, na? like most other people i love music. barring hard rock and rap, i pretty much listen to everything. i even listen to kannada and spanish songs at times!

reco : for anyone who loves semi-classical stuff, Sona's self titled album is a good pick. this woman has a lot of potential. and rascal flatts is a group that makes beautiful, meaningful country music. sarah beth still makes me cry.

star watching: this is a new-ish craze. home's a ground floor apartment, and kolkata's sky isn't clear on most days. but here, i spend most late evenings out on the terrace. and even though am alone, i never feel lonely with those stars for company. i thrill in discovering patterns and arrangements, and the humbling awe at the enormity of the universe. so much so, i even write about it. and sometimes, i have highly engrossing one sided conversations with them too :)

blogging. and reading blogs: blogging evolved from the need to write. beyond chemical equations and microbio answers, that is. it's good to know that i have a place to air my opinion :) and reading blogs is extremely entertaining. while not all blogs deserve the blogspace they occupy, some are really, really good. my latest fetish is for mommy blogs, which provide sweet, funny and sometimes philosophical insights into the world's most challenging job (it's a good thing my ma doesn't blog though. no need to let the whole world know what a brat i am :P)

spending time with the whole family, including sisters, brothers-in-law, ma and bapi. playing/fighting with my niece (yes, we fight. and mind you, she usually wins. and she doesn't even call me mashi!) churches, and belur math. a good strong cup of coffee. sleeping late on saturday mornings. laughing at my elder sister's antics (who's a closet joker apart from being one of my best friends) travelling to new places. seaside. helping someone. a class getting cancelled unexpectedly. ma bragging about me in front of someone, something she'd never do if she knew am within earshot. trees.

and look, am smiling! :)

the usual

2008-09-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

why did i ever come to this college? no, really. i mean, i got pretty decent marks in class XII. i even cleared engineering. why the hell did i give all that up and come a thousand kilometre to study in this god-awful place??

exams start in two days. all classes over, but i still have to go tomo to collect a shitload of notes. and convince the attendance incharge that going for an internship isn't a crime and i shouldn't be penalised for it (attendance carries marks, see? to get full marks, one needs 96% attendance. you read that right. ninety-six)

and, we've to clean the lab. don't ask me what "cleaning" means. we've even done the wipe with rags and dust the tables bit, so am expecting something on similar lines. i'd make a super maid post graduation! is anyone interested?

and to top it all off, a stupid lab attendant actually had the gall to tick me off 'cause i was sitting on the steps. like there was any other place to sit, and i'd parked my butt on the icy cold stone for kicks. finally lost my temper and gave it back to him. he had it coming for a while.

the latest, craziest rules:

ID card to be kept on always, else an instant fine of 1000bucks (who carries that kind of money to college? and are we in kindergarten?)

skirts not allowed. dress code's come down to specifics- kurti jeans or salwar suits. and pray note, tis a girls' college. 5 more years, and i bet it'd be a uniform.

and lecturers are either busy gossipping about us, or in the canteen eating. while we miss lunch and stay after college for extra classes (they're not bad teachers, but they're terribly fussy. of course, there are some amazing people who think if am asking questions, it's a ploy to waste class time)

and we spend every single damn evening doing practical records. with 6 science papers, where's the time to do anything else? first year onwards, i gave up writing for the magazine, participating in competitions, going for paper presentations, and learning odissi. it breaks my heart to think of how much i've had to forgo.

and not to mention, with 3 majors, am not learning any subject properly. and the semester is so packed(it's less than 100 days) and hectic that during holidays we forget every single thing we learnt. what's the point, then? i've learnt to be a mindless note taker/mugger/record writer, but i've forgotten how to think for myself. which leads to the interesting present state- one semester to go, and i have no clue what to do next.

and last but not the least, my final exams start on ekadashi. so no durga pujo for me this year. i'd never be able to forgive college for that.

stay away from MCC. you've been warned.

forever gone

2008-09-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

it's funny how life has a way of catching you unawares. with the kind of news you take time to believe in. the kind of news you NEVER want to believe in. sometimes, reality really bites. and leaves marks.
PD, a friend from school, someone i knew right from class 1 to 12, died of drowning today morning. he had gone with his parents for a holiday after his midterms, and a freak wave snatched him from practically in front of them.
it's hard to imagine that the ever affable, slightly eccentric, math whiz is really gone. that the guy who was devoted to his girlfriend, yet laughingly confessed that he thought one of her friends was cute, is never going to be around again. such a terrible, terrible waste.
RIP PD. we'd miss you.

2008-08-31T00:34:00.000-07:00

telling signs of the sad fact that while i use the computer and net on a regular basis, i am pretty, pretty bad with the tech details...
making minor changes to make the blog look a tad more interesting took me more than an hour. most of it spent in looking lost and wondering...is that how it's supposed to look? or even more ominously... "no! no! no! i did NOT want this to happen. please go back to what you were!"
sheesh. i planned to put forth my valuable(!) opinion on the singur mess and the deranged kosi river, but am exhausted. really. some other time, then.

fresh, fresh, fresh!

2008-08-30T23:15:00.000-07:00

i really should start by thanking ayo. while i did want to watch rock on, i wasn't too particular about watching it as soon as it released. am not really a rock person. hard rock's a definite no-no. so i wasn't sure about a movie with rock music as the backbone. but then she was adamant about watching it first day, first show, and considering we were getting a holiday after what seemed like a million years, i gave in to her. the tickets were pretty cheap by bangalore standards, which made me even more suspicious :P (i'm telling you da, the movie must suck if even friday tickets are so cheap!)

am so glad i was wrong!

the story's simple, sweet and fresh, from the bollywood perspective at any rate. it's about 4 friends who have a common passion for music and have a rock band, but due to an unfortunate series of events, they never make it big. the friends go their separate ways, moving far away from their music and "magik" (the band) it's farhan's lonely young wife, who engineers a reunion and they have a final, incredible performance together.

all the actors do a competent job. arjun rampal could've been a tad more fluent with the guitar, but on the whole, his acting has improved by leaps and bounds. luke kenny's perfectly adequate. purab kohli (a favourite of mine right from hip hip hurray days) is the comic foil to his friends' intensity. prachi desai looks beautiful and emotes well (a far cry from the overacting bani, but then i'd blame ekta kapoor and not her) and sahana goswami is a complete natural. and farhan! omg. how many hats does this man don? not only is he a cool director/producer; with this movie, he shows he can be a pretty spiffy actor and singer. i think am in love :)

note: girls' college does this to u- reverting back to the early adolescent habit of crushing over celebrities. no other crush-worthy people around! sob

and is this the same shankar ehsaan loy who gave us "ma" from taare zameen par?! right from the uber cool "pichhle saat din" to the heartfelt ballad "tum ho toh", the music complements the movie to the T. which was essential, considering that this is, ultimately, a tribute to both the power of music and friendship.

should i now cut to the chase?

go watch the movie!

back to living again

2008-08-28T04:01:00.000-07:00

yes, i know i sound like the ultimate nerd but when my college decides to "test" (our patience) for the umpteenth time, life does sort of stand still. or at least slow down to an unidentifiable mass of notes, cramming, diagrams and stupid things like that. if u ask me, we go about it all wrong. for starters, we used photocopied notes, so 2 yrs in college hasn't taught me to make references. plus, the more we write, the better marks we get. in science subjects, i ask u! i've even inserted nonsense sentences in the middle of my assignments and it got checked fine. obviously, the lecturers are even less interested in all this than we are :P
unexpected holiday tomorrow. coz of the Christians/VHP clash in Orissa. naturally, we got rebuked for being happy about it (the holiday, not what happened. of course that's awful)... the speaker said, "don't say wow, say why?" lol. i couldn't help laughing at that. not to mention they asked us to pray for peace and considering my very unstable relationship with God, i was like "ahem... i don't really know whether i believe in you or not so i kinda dunno why i'm doing this...." and so on. somwhere down the line i'v gone from being a believer to an agnostic to rarely, an atheist. a friend asked me a couple of weeks back if i believed in God, and i surprised myself by promptly saying no. maybe it's just one more thing to be confused about, that's all. confusion is my middle name anyway!
going to watch rock on tomo. and then lunch out and have a gossip session with pals.
someone save me from becoming a middle aged woman doing kitty party-esque things!!! please!!
and for all the literary minded people out there, read The Glass Palace by Amitav Ghosh. he's quickly becoming one of my favourite authors.

finally, a tag makes an appearance :)

2008-08-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

when ess did tag me, i rudely ignored it. now when he has not, of course am gonna take it up!
(that's one reason. the other being that i was up most of the night finishing assignments and can't put up any other coherent post)
30 questions (3 of 'em are absconding though. ess, where did they go?)
1. What's your latest addiction?
coffee. am just getting to that scary stage when i can't think straight in the evenings unless i have a cuppa. still, it's just one mug a day. think it'd be mega harmful?

2. What are you listening to?
dheem ta dare from thakshak. it's a fantastic classical number and i'm already choreographing for a never-to-be performance :)

3. How late did you stay up last night and why?
i've already whined about this, haven't i? 5 am. finishing stupid assignments that i was stupid-er enough to not finish earlier.

4. Who were you with last Friday night?
oh, am very domestic. with my sis and brother-in-law, blissfully contemplating a field trip with the entire batch the next morning (which went sour, but then that's another story)

5. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
not applicable, since am already in one :)

6. When is the next time you'll see your close friends?
around oct. hopefully *fingers crossed* college college, please shut shop by mid oct! pleeeze!

7. What were you doing this morning at 7am?
still sleeping (and hoping subconsciously that i wouldn't have to go to college. sigh, dreams don't always come true)

8. What radio station do you listen to the most?
none, since all the radio stations in bangalore have gone kannada with a vengeance :(

9. What was the reason you last cried?
a week back. got nostalgic (yeah, am super-emotional)

10. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
yes! and it's HUGELY amusing! the day-after-embarassment of the guilty party is priceless :D
plus, you can scare'em into thinking they said things much more wildly inappropriate than they did.

11. What's the fifth text in your inbox say?
"sleep! coz i know next week's gonna be sleepless!" this refers to an upcoming round of internals (i won't think about it yet...i WON'T!)

12. Where was the last coffee shop you went to?
sweet chariot. cunningham road.

13. What's your outfit right now?
kurti n PJ's

[No 14 and 15]

16. What were you doing at 11pm last night?
doing my assignment (booooriiinngg!)

17. Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?
him. "healthy debate" *chuckles*

18. Will you be driving in a year?
i certainly hope so! if only someone would help me carve some time out of my schedule, i'd enrol in driving school straightaway...

19. Is there anything that you are craving right now?
yes. chocolate. specifically, nutty chocolate.

20. When did your last hug take place?
gee, i don't remember! aish perhaps, on her birthday? *feels upset*

[No 21 either.]

22. Have you ever started a sentence with "No offense, but..."?
very occasionally. i did use the phrase today, though.

23. Do you drink tea?
am a coffee person. but lemon tea chalta hai

24. Have you ever been arrested?
no. not something on my to-do list, either!

25. Have you rode in someone else's car today?
no. i legged my way around :)

26. Have you made a mistake this past week?
my life's a series of'em!

27. Who was the last person you texted?
abhi.

28. Are you happy with your life right now?
evidently not. am stressed and frustrated with the way things are going.

29. In the past 72 hours have you been under the influence?
naah. i have no alcohol appreciation in me. very sad though. i can never be a chic chick :(

30. What's the connection between you and the last person you texted?
tuition friend from high school days. (whispers: ex as well, but we don't talk about it anymore)

tag open to whoever wants to take it up. try it. tis fun!

maa tujhe salaam

2008-08-14T23:33:00.000-07:00

Mother, I bow to thee!

Rich with thy hurrying streams,

bright with orchard gleams,

Cool with thy winds of delight,

Dark fields waving Mother of might,

Mother free.

Glory of moonlight dreams,

Over thy branches and lordly streams,

Clad in thy blossoming trees,

Mother, giver of ease Laughing low and sweet!

Mother I kiss thy feet, Speaker sweet and low!

Mother, to thee I bow.

Who hath said thou art weak in thy lands

When the sword flesh out in the seventy million hands

And seventy million voices roar

Thy dreadful name from shore to shore?

With many strengths who art mighty and stored,

To thee I call Mother and Lord!

Though who savest, arise and save!

To her I cry who ever her foeman drove

Back from plain and Sea

And shook herself free.

Thou art wisdom, thou art law,

Thou art heart, our soul, our breath

Though art love divine, the awe

In our hearts that conquers death.

Thine the strength that nerves the arm,

Thine the beauty, thine the charm.

Every image made divine

In our temples is but thine.

Thou art Durga, Lady and Queen,

With her hands that strike and her swords of sheen,

Thou art Lakshmi lotus-throned,

And the Muse a hundred-toned,

Pure and perfect without peer,

Mother lend thine ear,

Rich with thy hurrying streams,

Bright with thy orchard gleems,

Dark of hue O candid-fair
In thy soul, with jewelled hair

And thy glorious smile divine,

Lovilest of all earthly lands,

Showering wealth from well-stored hands!

Mother, mother mine!

Mother sweet, I bow to thee, Mother great and free!

in case you still haven't understood, this is the english translation of Vande Mataram, the national song of India. the original was composed by bankim chandra chatterjee, (which can be accessed here) and i can think of no better tribute to our country on its 61st Independence Day.

for once, i will not crib about what's not getting done. for once, i will not blame the government or the bureaucracy. for once, i'll just feel very, very proud of being who i am- an indian.

idealistic? maybe :)

happy Independence Day everyone!

balle balle bindra!

2008-08-12T07:29:00.000-07:00

though professional sports bring in an obscene amount of money, most sportsmen agree that there's something special about the "olympic dream". something truly magical about those medals. india, though having a population of 1 billion plus, has never really produced world champions in most sporting disciplines (perhaps it's the 'discipline' that's lacking? or govt apathy? oh well, we shall play out this sorry blame game later) and this time, things looked even worse with the hockey team failing to make the cut. however, abhinav bindra has finally given us all a reason to rejoice. i still break into a grin whenever i think about it : a GOLD medal in olympics, finally! being the sentimental nitwit i am, i cried when the national anthem was played. congratulations abhinav. and thank you!

on the flipside though (NO i don't want to be a killjoy! am sorry am bringing this up!) is that the only medal we're gonna get this time around? or would we get some more reasons to smile? (someone just say yes. please!)

blah

2008-08-05T07:47:00.000-07:00

battling a severe case of sleep deprivation. okay, so i sat up most of the nights reading novels. so? a woman's got to keep her sanity no?!
caffeine addiction is on the rise. tied in directly with the aforementioned fact. had a cup of mocha couple of hours back, and now it's sweet ginger tea again. bloodstream's prolly doing a mad disco right now.
food habits getting more and more erratic. barring breakfast which didi more or less forces on me, i seem to eat either too much or nothing at all till dinnertime. healthy eating resolutions come and depart in a hurry. cravings come and linger, with me often succumbing. and then regretting. damn.
frequently entertaining abusive thoughts about my venerable educational institute. intra college fest on. extended break. and what do we do? run around for missing notes. rifle through a million library books. and write lab records. i should sue'em for all the fun am missing in life.
am pissed, tired, and frustrated with everything in my life. and if you thought it was worth your while to read through this, well, now you know it wasn't :P

a slice of perfection

2008-08-04T09:26:00.000-07:00

it was a pretty ordinary start to the day. in fact, worse than ordinary. my granduncle passed away after a long, agonizing battle with cancer. i can't honestly say am sad. it was way too horrible to see him struggle through living. but mum sounded pretty low which upset me as well. these are the times i really wish am back home (not that i would've helped any. am no good at social/family stuff) but even then...
college was stressful as always. got a major lashing from some of our lecturers, had to work through the lunch break, and so on. after 7 gruelling hours, it was time to go home (do i make my college sound like concentration camp? sometimes it feels like one!)
then a friend invited me to her place. saw a couple of completely adorable stray puppies. it was love at first sight! since one of my closest friends has a severe phobia of dogs, i usually have to keep well away from them myself. but this was sheer joy! played with them, chased'em around, talked to them (much to the amusement of my friends) and impossibly hoped my sis would lemme keep them both. unfortunately, if i bring them home she'll probably throw me out along with them :(
pal fed moi n MT enough to last a couple of weeks. we chattered about school days, crushes (sigh...), career plans and cherished dreams. amid all that laughter and bantering, i suddenly remembered. in only a few more months i'd no longer be in college. probably not even in the same city as these people. would have to start again as the stranger/outsider. it depressed me for a moment, but then i looked at these two wonderful people whom i would always love and remember. and let myself savour the tiny slice of perfection in the present.

moi take

2008-07-30T05:18:00.000-07:00

the last one week was crazy in more ways than one. for starters, i had internals. whoerver really knows me knows i hardly ever study, so exams are a right pain in all the wrong places. anyway, most of 'em went off okay. i miss english, really :(

then again, i'd my first placement exam. all of a sudden the idea of dropping a year to get a breather from academics seems very appealing to me, so getting a job be a good way to go about it. unfortunately, the first co was an investment banking/finance one, of which i know very little. the written exam (aptitude test and creative writing) went off decently. was practically shaking during the group discussion (should the age limit on alcohol remain?) but managed to open my mouth and to my intense surprise came up with a couple of rather sensible points. and thankfully no one noticed i changed my stance on the topic towards the end :D

the next step was the interview, for which they picked about 1/6th of the total applicants. was satisfied that i made the cut. wasn't expecting much from it, and it was a COMPLETE disaster. they couldn't get over the fact that am not sure of what i want to do next. that i wasn't entirely sure what falls under HRM. that being "so good" in academics i still wanted a job. that i made it obvious that this was at best a stop gap measure for me (not something one says to prospective employers i guess!lol) that i had no clear idea of what my strengths were. they spent more than half an hour trying to decipher me, and then finally gave up.

in case you're wondering, no, they weren't crazy enough to give me a job after that :P all the same, it was a lot of fun chewing their brains out! plus, i didn't stammer as much as i usually do when called on to speak in front of anyone. that's an achievement in itself!

then came the serial bomb blasts. i admit, when i heard of it, i was shit scared. i know we all assume such things never really happen to "us" but then the way things are going in india, one never knows! i've lost count of the total number of exploded/live/defused bombs recovered in bangalore/a'bad and surat now (any bets on which city's next on the hitlist?) am teetering between wondering if this entire brouhaha is cooked up by Congress so that it can escape the present political mess and wishing india would take a tougher stance on terror exported from across the border. nobody deserves to die at the hand of a crazed ideology.

i just hope this wasn't a prelude to bigger fireworks on the 15th :(

politics of shame

2008-07-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

to be honest, am glad UPA won. i like manmohan singh, and i dislike lk advani and his brand of hindutva politics. plus, am glad the exchequer doesn't have to bear the expenses of an election before the 5 year term is up (though there might be some more shocks along the way. yeh hai indian politics meri jaan!) but the way in which this happened was downright disgusting. how silly of us to make such sorry specimens of humanity our representatives! and the ones who are not sorry are dangerous criminals with scores (and more!) of criminal cases logged against them. i thought the constitution forbids criminals from contesting elections! am i behind the times?
anyway, now i hope the blessed nuclear agreement goes through, gas prices fall, inflation goes back to single digits again(one shouldn't expect too much!) stock market goes up, and everything becomes rosy once again with the world.
god, am such a hopeless optimist no?!

2008-07-06T08:16:00.001-07:00

will someone tell me what's going on in the indian political scene? i know one stormy marraige's almost over, but what's with the SP and congress? how can one lend 'outside support'? (am not even going into ideological differences and such like shit, this is india. and this is politics) wouldn't PM saab have to prove majority in the parliament? *confused*

inflation sucks. the college canteen's jacked up prices by 50 percent. fifty, i ask you! can't enjoy the sambar rice as frequently as i did earlier. sigh (tis all for the best though, too much rice ain't good for the figure no?)

bangalore should have a "walk/cycle to work" day on a weekly basis. it would ease the insane traffic situation on the streets. if petrol prices keep rising, that probably would be one the few remaining options anyway. might as well get used to it!

on a completely unrelated note, just watched jane tu... today. the movie's completely predictable, but imran's SO CUTE!! *sigh*

and the week starts again. damn. hating this last year of college. we've barely begun with the semester, and i have exams next week. shitty place i tell you.

what's the hurry?

2008-07-06T05:05:00.000-07:00

one of the few unpleasant things about studying in a missionary college is the insistence on value education. in middle school, we even had moral science exams! wtf? i mean, since when can value systems be "evaluated" by exams? never made any sense to me. hadn't expected the same nonsense in college, but i thought it'd be relaxing in the middle of all this "science"-iness. but i was mistaken. we got three different lecturers in the last three weeks, and all of'em had a common topic- marriage.
is it me who's leaped ahead in time, or are these lecturers in the 18th century? for pity's sake, am just out of my teens!! why should i already worry about my marriage/ideal partner/such like crap? who wants to be running a home and family already? (marwaris perhaps. am not trying to generalize, but they do seem to prefer early marriages) then when do we enjoy life??
it's very weird for a college to be training us in science and then suddenly giving us lessons on matrimony in the middle of it all. and from what i heard, it seemed tacitly implied that marriage means sacrificing your career plans. for good. as a matter of fact, if you ask them, marriage's all about "sacrifice, compromise" and "sex is the LAST priority" and here i was thinking marriage is basically societal permission to have sex with someone :P
i finally lost my temper and told the latest lecturer to shut up (maybe not that rudely) and help us with MSc entrance exams tips if she could. she seemed rather surprised with our attitude. are girls supposed to get all agog and simper at the mere mention of the "m" word? arrghhhhh!

whateverrrrr

2008-06-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

it's just today that i told ess that am gonna chuck my blog into the blogosphere-dustbin, so naturally i'm back (contradictions rule, i say!)
went to attend kvpy's 10th anniversary function today. it was pretty okay; met the aforementioned ess as well as someone i usually avoid in college. here, i couldn't really wish her away. so things got trying from time to time and by evening, i was struggling to keep a hold on my rapidly fraying temper and patience. why are some people such attention seekers?? if it weren't for the fact that she was nice to me during a rather bad emotional patch a year back, i'd give it back to her as she deserves. damn, i hate faking being nice to people.
the nth friend had a breakup and is now boring me with his sob stories at 12.30 in the night. am NOT a counsellor! am NOT a sympathetic aunty. in fact, am not even a friend till they're in distress. i DON'T wanna know how she was a bitch/betrayer/whateverrrrrrrrr!! please spare me the sorry details!
birthday was fun though. friends made super-yummy tiramisu and got brida by paulo coelho. sis gifted a watch and jeans. and a former flame-turned-buddy gifted a lovely perfume. cut cake at home (yes, i am twenty and i love cake cutting and all attendant celebrations on my birthday. so?) and lunched out. it was a really nice day. thanks everyone!
what is it about bangalore that i catch a cold every fortnight? head weighs much more than it usually does. hopefully things would sort themselves out asap.

through a child's eyes

2008-06-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

just caught this on youtube. brilliant video. completely worth the "buffering" wait!

20 years OLD

2008-06-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

unlike most people i was never enamoured with the thought of "growing up". i never planned things for my adult life. being the wise old granny i am, i always knew childhood would be the best part of life and adulthood ain't all it's cracked up to be. but try as i might, i can no longer deny the "adult" tag bestowed on me. in just a few more days, i'm gonna be twenty. the big two-uh-oh!! in one of my favourite books (anne of the island by LM Montgomery) it's said that by this age one's character should be formed, for better or for worse. in that case, something's radically wrong with me, because i have no idea where my life or i am headed. a lot of people have asked me about my future plans, starting from my project guide at iitk to my friends, and mt answer is a blank "no idea" (thankfully, it amused rather than angered my prof)

college's driving me mad. 3 science papers is way too much to handle. especially more so for a naturally disorganized person like me. am not reading the whole lot of new books. not dancing. not listening to music. not doing anything for fun. the world's sadly out of order :-(

people@iit

2008-06-10T22:41:00.000-07:00

living in a hostel can be a real eye-opener. thankfully, i have a single room to where i can escape when everybody around me seems slightly loony, but even then the people in my block both amuse and exasperate the hell outta me!!
next to me is A's room. who actually works in the same lab as me, but she's what i call "selectively social" she talks only when she feels like it. she's nice enough, though. in comparison. she sings nice bangla songs and she has a good strong voice. i guess am a little prejudiced because she didn't allow me to check my mail from her laptop (i don't own one. not rich enough...boohoo)
there's this WEIRD girl living just across the passage. me and polo have been fascinated by her and her friend circle, and her parents. parents? yeah, they live there. in the hostel room. don't ask me why, i thought a "hostel" means you stay alone/with friends in a dorm/something like that. the mother is skinny and has dark circles under her eyes and always looks sourly at us, as if we are the interlopers in her house. the daddy sits right outside my room in the mornings and it's hell annoying to be out stretching and catch him checking you out. ugh. and that's not all. there are 2 guys. both of whom study in iit, but regrettably enough, don't seem to have rooms of their own. plus they both own one T shirt each. and they are ALWAYS in that girl's room. as in, from morning till 12am, when they have to leave coz it's a rule. i have no clue why they are always there. all i've understood from their exceptionally high computer audio is that they watch some sad seventies movie (the "main tera khoon pee jaaoonga" types. and not that pee :P) every single evening. the girl's not as annoying (it is her room, after all) but she walks with her bottom out and makes sick sounds when brushing teeth and stuff. it's a common loo and hence very off-putting.
the girl next to her has a guy too, who comes and goes with lover-like regularity. i sometimes wonder why they bother calling it a "girls' hostel" at all!
most other people ain't quite that interesting. there's one girl who applies a face pack every single day. there's one who refuses to smile and comes and goes out of the shower wrapped only in a towel. which is very brave, considering the number of unknown males around. or maybe she knows them. and then there's polo, who's my closest buddy here.
polo and me are very bad influences on each other. we're both natural slackers and non-morning persons. plus we believe in having fun wherever we go and that doesn't sit well with the serious populace here. the PhD guys (and girls) all have premature white hair already. yikes!!
it rained like crazy here the other day. both of us went out for pakoras with the only guy who's interning with us and left poor him holding the plate while we went out in the rain. it was awesome fun! i went splat! (on the concrete walkway, no less. my poor back!) once, but it was so hilarious that all i could do was howl with laughter myself. i just hope nobody else saw me!
iit's mostly been fun. it's destroyed some notions i had about iitians being very brainy (not all of'em are) and raised serious questions about me going for a PhD at all (can't imagine myself stuck in a lab for 6 odd years). but there was this horrible incident in which a girl just one block away committed suicide hours before convocation, because she'd flunked and hadn't informed her family. i saw that girl in the reading room pretty regularly (that's where i went for the TOI) and it felt downright weird to think that behind that pretty, slightly blank face her mind was contemplating suicide. you can read this and this and figure out where things went so wrong. what a terrible waste.
am writing after a pretty long time, so the post might be a bit incoherent. would be back soon though. so long :)

2008-05-21T05:29:00.000-07:00

why did i complain? now i have too much work :(

bare bones update

2008-05-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

in IIT right now. i dunno what i expected, but what i certainly did not expected to be treated like a "baby" who doesn't know anything( that's because am in BSc and most others are in MSc). hence, the remedy (according to others) has been to make us sit and read papers for hours on end. pissed, tired and bored.
finally started with some kinda labwork yesterday. wing mounting of drosophila may be very basic stuff, but atleast i get to touch the microscope. feeling slightly better now.
finally, results are out. got a pretty decent 87%. but a couple of other people got a lot more, which bothers my parents a lot more than it bothers me. oh well, there's always a next time. am pretty okay with it :) in fact, am happy :D
will not get to blog too often here. bless M for allowing me to use his id from time to time!
back to some more readin... yawnnnnnnnnn

ex-home

2008-05-14T00:44:00.000-07:00

seeing kanpur with adult eyes makes me realize what a dusty/hot/tired little city it really is. surprisingly enough, that doesn't make me love it any less. or tarnish any of the million memories i have of home and school. went to school today. tis actually closed for the holidays, but i was let in when i said am an ex-student. time seems to have stood still in there. everything looks exactly as i remember it. where did the four intervening years go?
leaving for IIT tomo. let's see how it goes. truth be told, i was rather scared at the prospect of staying there for a month. but post school visit, i feel confident and optimistic. SMC always does that to me :-)
cheerio and godbless!

of dance and men

2008-05-09T13:26:00.000-07:00

i'd heard a lot about this movie named dirty dancing, but the title somewhat put me off. but after about 8 disney flicks, i went back to real men and women. the movie and it's sequel, dirty dancing: havana nights has some of the hottest dance moves i've seen in recent times. and call me old fashioned, but patrick swayze's hot!!
most of the guys i know are terrible dancers. and it's something they're almost proud of, as if dancing isn't "manly" enough. it is. in my eyes at least, a guy who knows his moves on the dance floor gets a big thumbs up. sadly, the last time i danced with a guy was way back in kindergarten (and he had got his head shaved and wore a yellow or pink cap, so it was hard to make out which of us was the girl.sigh...) i wanted to learn the salsa, but as someone uncharitably (and truthfully) pointed out, am too fat. and am partnerless. shadow dancing would have to do for now.
some other random stuff picked from the movie:
south american senors are muy muy sexy!! perfect eye candy :D
and dance is a beautiful form of foreplay (grins)
am trying to work out another bout of writer's block. bear with me. and the tag!! the tag!! i'd do it. before leaving. cross my heart :-)

a quick update

2008-05-05T12:28:00.000-07:00

socializing can get hectic and take a toll. my friends, god bless'em, were blissfully unaware of the fact that am leaving kol in a week and now am inundated with "let's catch up!" sorta smses. being nice has become a force of habit now and i've even ended up meeting people i didn't like back in school! sigh. have to be ruder from next time. mum's complaining she only gets to see me when am alseep (that ought to be enough, considering i never wake up before 11am!)
on the whole though, it's been fun. met S, my high school crush, who still makes me go tingly from time to time. i can't even figure out what's attractive about the guy. weird! had lunch with the girl gang and N. watched a ton of disney flicks... starting from cinderella to aladdin. watched Kolkata crash to 4 successive defeats in IPL (heartbreaking) lost some weight (who cares how! tis a reason to celebrate. some more cookies/chocolates/ice creams please!)
reading "beasts in my belfry" by gerald durrell. enjoying it enormously. not doing any constructive work. oh well, i was expectin that anyway!
that's about it. meeting people day and night and battling a resurgent back pain doesn't leave me with much energy for anything else.

war of the planets

2008-05-01T01:34:00.000-07:00

this is a bit of nonsense i'd written way back in class X. i've always been rather fond of it though :-) PLEASE leave comments, good or bad, i want to hear from you!

The War Of The Planets
Many light years had passed,
So the planets decided at last,
To have a big conference,
To talk a lot of nonsense.

But each planet secretly thought,
"It is a good chance that I have got,
To show off to the rest,
That I am the best !! "

The sun declined to attend,
" I don't have time to come.”, he said.
His secretary he did send,
Miss SunSpot, all dark and red.

Mr. Mercury was the first one to arrive,
Small and fast as he was,
Very hard he did strive,
To cover up all his ugly warts.

Then came pretty Miss Venus,
Said," I am sorry I am late,
Actually I missed my bus,
Because I had a date.”

Miss Earth ran in breathlessly,
Looking blue all over,
It was not because of her mood, actually,
She was so full of water.

Mr. Mars was red and gruff,
He told his volcanoes to behave.
He did not like to laugh,
And he was always very grave.

Mr. Jupiter came in then,
Uncomfortable due to his large size.
His satellite Ganymede came when,
He summoned it with frantic cries.

Saturn then came in,
Along with all her family.
Of three slender rings,
Even Miss Venus envied her beauty.

Uranus and Neptune came together,
“ We are best friends. “, they told.
Wrapped in snug furs,
As they were both very cold.

Mr. Pluto came last of all,
Sneezed twice, and then coughed.
To show his annoyance at being called,
For he had to walk such a lot.

Then it all started,
With a huge argument.
“ You all are impossible.”, Miss SunSpot said,
And off she went!!

Each planet tried to show its superiority,
Trying to prove itself the best.
Boasting of its satellites and beauty,
To show itself better than the rest.

At last it was decided,
That now the planets will not fight.
For the conclusion said,
Each planet is beautiful and bright.

But when the planets headed back home,
They thought,” That isn’t really true.
Let the next conference come,
And then I’ll show you!!

a note to all sciencies : i know, the poem's not scientifically accurate. i know light years don't measure time. and i know pluto's been chucked out of the elite group (though back then it was there all right) it's just meant to be funny, see?
for a more informed view of the solar system, i suggest you visit this

too late

2008-04-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

my aunt's daughter turned a year old this week. my aunt's a lot younger to my mum, so mum became a grandmom before she became an aunt :) we'd gone for the family get together on this occasion. my grand uncle, who's dying of pancreatic cancer, wanted this celebration done, since he'd not be around for my cousin's (and his adored granddaughter's) second birthday.

knowing that someone's dying is a lot different from seeing the remorseless process. cancer's an old foe of our family. we've lost many members to it. way too many :(
the last time i saw my g'uncle, they'd just shifted to their new apartment, and were planning trips to see their married daughters (one down south and one in the middle east) who knew the tumour had already been formed and was spreading its tentacles already? when he went to the doc with persistent health niggles, all the tests were done and he was given a clean bill. this, after his daughter (who's a doc herself) couldn't shake off the feeling that something was very wrong. tests repeated, and an impatient specialist says apart from an ulcer there was nothing wrong with him. he goes to goa for a holiday. after coming back, he just couldn't keep any food down. that's when things got really serious. a second opinion was sought, and by that time the malignant growth was too far along to try anything.

i couldn't quite believe my eyes when i saw him. i'd seen just 5 months back. the shrunken skeleton of a man was so horrible that i felt my eyes sting with tears, almost involuntarily. i had no idea cancer's such an ugly disease, stripping away a human being bit by bit, eventually even snatching the right to die with dignity. though he'd wished it, celebrating anything seemed strange.

that's life. bittersweet. just one advice though, if your gut says there's something wrong with you/some loved one medically, trust your guts.

my take on the news

2008-04-27T23:51:00.000-07:00

SC okaying reservation: this is a pet grouse. being only a poor GC candidate (general category, now the lowest of the low categories there is) i think reservations based on castes is a step backwards. the govt should first admit that they haven't been able to bring about social equality in the last 60 years. and explain why reservations shouldn't be made available to an economically disadvantaged "superior" castes. i fear we're opening floodgates for similar demands for many other communities that feel discriminated against. heck, i feel disadvantaged! mr.singh, are you listening?
and i don't see why the creamy layer should get any privileges. politicians have unanimously expressed displeasure about them being excluded, but why(apart from the lobby and probable vote bank getting miffed)?? i have a friend who got through a good engg college because of reservations, not ability. and did he deserve it? with both parents in govt service, a couple of cars, and the best education money could provide, i think not.
what is amusing is the same govt stonewalling all attempts at passing the 33% reservation for women in parliament bill. apparently, women don't need empowerment! what a democracy :-(
the cheerleader fracas : sheer bull. t20's meant to be an entertainment package and i don't see the spectators complaining! bollywood/a lot of other local film industries get away with the most obscene stuff, and these politicians conveniently don't see these "un-indian" gestures. anyway, who died and made them the champion of morality and indian ethics?
sons beating mother to death fearing she was "possessed" : this article really shook me up. we're talking about 3 educated men. working in an mnc, studying mba and the youngest in class XII. i dunno whom to blame. the indian education system? for being so incompetent that highly educated people also give in to such disgusting superstitions? the society?
earth day : a gimmick more than anything else. we're all feeling the heat, quite literally so. bangalore and kolkata both have significantly higher temperatures during summer, and later rainfall. yet most people choose to stay within the comforts of a/c homes/offices/malls. and blithely ignore the impending crisis. it's unbelievably cruel, the way we rape the planet that's given us life and sustenance...

good to be home

2008-04-25T13:51:00.000-07:00

kolkata inspires a curious mixture of emotions in me. i love coming home, but i don't like the city much, per se. people have berated me earlier for this "disloyalty" towards my hometown, but it's a fact. of course, there are some nice things about this city. the culture, the spirit... only kolkata could survive such a apathetic administration for decades and still laugh/protest/celebrate!
what annoys me about it? the weather! tis humid as hell. the bandhs- all the time, only the slightest reason's enough to sanction it. and people actually are lazy enough to let it happen twice a month (yeah well, who doesn't love an extra holiday :P) the intellectuals who relish debating all topics under the sun, but who'd never roll up their sleeves and take positive action. and lastly, the obsession with love. staying single in kolkata's practically a crime.
the best thing that's happened is the opening of a super mall near my house. nice coffeeshop, cool boutiques, a multiplex and lastly, an amazing bookstore. i'd probably sit around in it on most days till they decide to throw me out.
haven't had the chance to meet up with most friends yet. met R, who was one of closest friends in high school. went for coffee. and a largely one-sided chat. heard about her relationships (in the plural. and this after just 5 months) one of guys actually passed on his number in the bus, and she called him back. i thought the guy must've been irresistible, but then i met him. arrogant, attitude throwing, teeth yellowed by drink, and protuberant eyes. i could see the charm all right! had to fight to keep a straight face throughout all of this. but i did wonder if bangalore/MCC was on a different planet. maybe i've grown antennae and an extra green foot. how strange to meet someone i loved so much and not be able to relate to who she's become. at all. perhaps this song by rascal flatts is exactly how things are for me. i've moved on. one thing's for sure, i'll be a heaven-born listener by the time this stay is over :)
ajay, your tag will take a while. but it'll be up for sure. right now, am having too much fun bitching :P
so long.

a tribute to jerome k jerome

2008-04-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

finally finished with packing. mum's busy with cooking enough food to feed an army so that sis doesn't have to worry about food for some more days(she's a little less kitchen handicapped than i am, but she certainly does not enjoy spending time among pots and pans) sis is busy following both of us around with puppy dog eyes begging us to stay for some more days. i feel horribly guilty about leaving, but hey! kolkata's my home! and i have no more holidays till november!
packing keeping in mind that am not gonna be back for 2 months is quite a task. more so when one considers that kanpur would be hitting 40C plus when i get there, and IIT certainly won't roll out the red carpet and give me A/C :(
my luggage's quite a representative collection of both my snobberies and real necessities. it has
1) too many clothes. carrying them's a pain, but washing them too often seems a worse proposition. am 20 years old and i have very sensitive vertebrae
2) my mp3 player with the weirdest assortment of songs possible. i can't find the installation CD, so the weird songs would all have to remain.
3) 12 issues of resonance (that's a science magazine) all untouched. i tried reading them! but the first article i read was about computer programming. it lost me completely. so i kept all the issues as lost as possible (ie stuffed somewhere inside a messy cupboard. tossed in every month) am taking them just so i feel am doing something constructive during the hols. it'd be a while before i am unapologetically unscientific :D
4) blue kohl. for my whackier moods.
5) smiley earrings. flower earrings. terracotta earrings. silver earrings. earrings that don't even look like they are earrings. whew! my sis, who's a total tomboy, was very amused when she saw me sorting through my stuff to pick the ones i'd take. i can never explain to her why one cannot wear blue earrings with a red kurta. call me fussy.
6) novels. LOTS of them. salman rushdie (that's snob. i don't like his writing style much. too flowery for my taste. but shalimar the clown's been lying around forever), RK Narayan, an RD Special Edition, Hemmingway, who dun-its and so on. stuffed a bag full of them. now no one can lift the damn thing, and parents refuse to pay for the extra baggage :(
7) a list of microbio topics i propose to look up on the net. no comments except ha ha ha
8) my french notes. though i got decent marks in my credit course, all the intervening time has rendered me je ne parle francaise again :)

i'll be so glad to go by Indian again. Spicejet's practically a bus with wings and a pilot. and Jetlite is okay, but last time we got the close-to-toilet seats. ugh. bless daddy for the free tickets :)
early morning flight. time for me to hit the bed. before i know it, it'll be time to get up and leave for hotter humid-er climes. no one lets me sleep in even during holidays!!! :(

ta-da
and in case the title of the post doesn't make sense, read three men in a boat.

life after exams

2008-04-22T05:57:00.000-07:00

i think i can sum it up in one word. food. and lots of it!
microbio went off okay. i finished the paper, and considering it was way too lengthy for only 2 hrs, i'd say that's an achievement in itself. the bottomline's that second year/4th sem is finally over!
was halfway back home when ayo called me back for coffee. i'm spoiling the girl by always giving in to her whims, but i love spending time with her :) came back to college post-lunch, met up, went to ccd. post-ccd (2 tropical icebergs and some serious gossipping) i went out with family to the local chinese joint. the rest of the grub session was this morning, when i went out with ayo(again!) for lasagna, garlic bread and iced tea. saw her off (she's going home), and am missing her already :(
it's weird to think that i just have a year of college left. it seems that only yesterday i was listening to the opening address which also had the A-Z of the college (i only remember one now; M for no mobile phones and no miniskirts :P) had the tour of the buildings/classes/BBC(which no longer exists...sob)... reaching late the next day and not being able to find room 3, the curious kinship with ayo, deepu and reeti (not only are we all as different as chalk and cheese, we come from different places as well)... the surprise at the amount of studying we were expected to do... the never ending exams... all of it. for all my complains about MCC, i'll miss it horribly when i graduate.

oh well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. i'll need tissue paper if i continue in this vein for much longer! :P

korbo lorbo jeetbo re :)

2008-04-18T10:46:00.000-07:00

kolkata knight riders rule! and IPL rocks!! Messrs Sharad Pawar and Lalit Modi, am SOLD on the concept of IPL. if entertaining cricket means this (watching a new zealander smash 10 boundaries and 13 sixers en route to making the highest individual t20 score for kolkata, and then see ricky ponting and ganguly hug after the fall of a wicket) i'm prepared to watch all the matches for all 44 days (mum, i plan to study too at times. don't glare at me :P)

and shah rukh khan, laugh all the way to the bank :-)

this and that

2008-04-17T06:08:00.000-07:00

examination updates:

english- apart from the small matter of writing that the tatas' are from bihar (tatanagar confused me!) twas a pretty okay paper. but it still feels very strange to think that next semester onwards i wouldn't have this subject, as a part of formal studies at least. i'll miss it :(

hindi: finit!! no more worrying about why keshav's acting loony or why premchand wrote such depressing stories (if you think am being unfair, check out nirmala. that novel has a death every 3 chapters or so. and all the women are a little too helpless and pathetic for my taste) it needed too many long answers, and the story i wrote for katha lekhan has a nauseatingly moral tone, but no complains on the whole.

chemistry: much better than i had expected. for the first time i'd chucked a couple of chapters but i could work it around them, thank goodness (but why did a bio major like me avoid studying carbohydrates? not a good sign at all)

zoology: the less said about it, the better. it's over. and i completed the paper somehow. period.

microbio's the only one left. looking forward to 21st evening.

gotta go take a bath now. am sitting around in a ragged kurta and pjs, and i've oiled my hair within an inch of their lives (beauty queen, ain't i?) managed to skive off studies for the whole morning (whole family busy with passport applications, and no one noticed :P) but considering i've already ruined zoology, it might be wiser to open the notes now. ugh. my allergy to studying seems to be growing exponentially every passing day.

listening to a LOT of rascal flatts. loved every track i've heard till now. "bless the broken road" and "i'm moving on" are personal favourites.

reading a mills and boon. so no comments about that :P

watched u, me aur hum yesterday. the first half of the movie made no sense whatsoever. post-intermission it gets a lot better. kajol's acting is excellent, as usual. and i loved the title track.

nothing much else. bangalore's much hotter than usual. i've made a long list of the stuff i have to do while i'm at home. even if i manage to do half of them, it'd be an accomplishment. making the list was so much fun that i couldn't resist!

and prayers for all of those who died in that terrible accident in gujarat. 44 kids sacrificed at the altar of decrepit state transport buses and an apathetic government. quite a greedy deity, this.

practically speaking

2008-04-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

20 days of prep leave almost over. not that i "prep"-ed much. thankfully, practicals are over too, so i can head home as soon as exams finish.

i enjoy working in the lab. but i seem to have a flair for making curious mistakes. and this flair was in fine form during the practical exams :-)

microbiology: we got an sms asking us to come one and a half hours early. when we reached, we were cheerfully informed that the first batch started late, so our exam would begin at the scheduled time. spent the time trying to mug up an experiment. i was especially nervous because we were supposed to have an external examiner "observing" us. anyway, it started. warned against writing too much, i wrote in compressed, untidy handwriting (am a kid. i can't write straight on unlined sheets). when i started with the experiment (dna restriction disgestion. don't worry if it doesn't make sense) i forgot to add the enzyme to the reaction mixture, without which there wouldn't be any reaction to start with. had to employ a good deal of sneakiness to dispose off my vial and redo the whole thing. i did the buffer preparation with a lot of care, but naturally the value was far removed from the expected one (manipulation rules, i say :P) at the time of loading the reaction mixture on the gel (sort of like using a very precise dropper to fill a well of 30microlitre capacity. yeah, it's tiny ), the examiner was right next to me. he tut tutted loudly, "child, you're slicing into the gel. be careful!" (yeah, it would be a lot easier if you don't breathe down my neck!) happy ending though. when i finished, he said the loading was perfect =) and everyone got the wrong value for the buffer!

chemistry: i reached late (damn bangalore traffic. and the bbmp for finding newer roads to block every day. after a while, going to college would be impossible!) paper was pretty simple. we just had to write the method of determining chemical oxygen demand of an effluent sample, and prepare an oragnic compound. so far, so good. but then i discovered that i couldn't find my calculator. which upset me a good deal, because i had borrowed it from someone. i managed by reborrowing another calculator. at the end of the exam i searched the whole lab, but to no avail. i almost got into a tussle with the examiner (i found a calci and claimed it. hit a snag when examiner assured me that it had been lying in the lab for more than 3 days.you see, i figured a replacement of the one i lost wasn't such a bad idea :P) and to conclude, i almost walked out with my answer sheet (the lab assistant tried to tell me what i was doing, but the idiot was too busy laughing to tell me anything properly. it's a good thing i noticed before it was too late)

and of course, my calculator was in my bag :)

zoology: last practical. very nervous. loads of diagrams and notes. plus i had very poor attendance in this practical class, so i had no idea how the forearm of a bird looked, or how to stain a fish scale (don't blame me! i was busy with dance rehearsals!!)

couldn't find the fish scale in the watch glass. some kind hearted girl pointed out that it was floating in the bit of water i was about to throw away. but the staining came out really well, much to my surprise. perhaps i work better without instructions :-)

was sharing the upgrade/downgrade set with shreya. following is a bit of our muttered conversation.

shreya: "do we upgrade the meiosis slide?"

me(mournfully) : "it's such a lengthy paper. i won't be able to finish."

shreya: "tell me, do i upgrade it or not? and do we put oil on slide before viewing?"

me(even more mournfully): "what if i don't finish?"

and it went on on similar lines.

apparently shreya came close to throttling me. a little bit of sympathy shreya, and i would've told you no one in her right senses attempts to upgrade a meiosis slide :)

anyway, on the whole it went off okay. i did have to redo the cytology slide, but it came out beautifully the second time around. and the examiner was sweet.

might not be around too often in the next couple of weeks. once exams start i don't have an option but to study :)

cheerio everyone! smile and shine

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

2008-03-27T02:48:00.000-07:00

i wrote this post-nithari (if you don't know what am talking about, you're hopeless underinformed.) some of it is based on personal experience. any article/ story that i've read about child sexual abuse has a tendency to get overtly graphic, which is unpleasant. i've tried chosen to suggest rather than explicitly describe, and i hope it isn't too bad. PLEASE read, review and thank you! :-)

The man sat at the table, staring fixedly at the door. He wondered just why she had wanted to meet him. She could certainly have no pleasant reasons, he thought with a slight smile at his own understatement. He, on the other hand, was curious to see the woman she had become. It had all been a long while ago. He could neither forgive nor understand what he had done, and he preferred to think that it was not him, a respectable English teacher; rather, it was the devil, Mr. Hyde incarnate that had driven him to those unspeakable deeds. He sat up a little straighter, waiting for her arrival.

He had always dreamt of being a teacher. It was exciting- the power to mould and direct young lives. English was a natural choice, since he had always excelled in languages. He was a quiet child, and an obedient one. He went through school, graduation and then his B. Ed, with above average performance and a reputation of a hard worker. When he thought back now, he still couldn’t understand what changed the course of his life so drastically. He didn’t come from a broken or abusive home. His father was a government employee, and his mother a teacher- his ideal. He had absolutely no excuse. He had always been affectionate towards kids. When did the affection assume such a monstrous form? In his teacher’s mind, he could find no answer. It wasn’t him; it just wasn’t him at all.

He could still recall the first time ‘it’ had happened. He had just started taking classes at a school as the junior English teacher. He was explaining a poem when she caught his eye. First row, third bench. She had curled hair and a naughty expression. Clearly, she wasn’t listening to him. Quietly, he asked her to stand up and explain a part he had taught. She fumbled, and he asked her to meet him after class. She had looked scared; like she was sure he would report her for not paying attention. She looked so charmingly vulnerable and innocent. It was then he knew, with absolute certainty, what he was going to do. It was as though he had just been waiting for the chance all along. Later, of course, he was horrified. The macabre sense of pleasure and satisfaction left him and all he was left with was stark fear, that his career was over before it had begun. But curiously, the child apparently told no one about what had happened that day after class, what he had done after gently taking her hands and admonishing her for being naughty. She elected to sit in the last bench during his classes, would never meet his eye and twitched at the slightest sound. The naughty expression was replaced by a blank look. He observed her surreptitiously for a few days, and finally he was convinced that his secret was safe. ‘See how easy it is!’ Mr. Hyde had said. And that was when he had walked on the path of no return.

He had an impeccable reputation as a teacher. Socially, too, he was popular for his dry sense of humour and kindness. ‘Don’t be reserved; don’t give anyone a chance for anyone to think you are different.’ Mr. Hyde had cautioned. Mr. Hyde always gave good counsel, and he listened to him, hesitantly at first, and then compulsively. Slowly, he almost faded away; Mr. Hyde pulled all the strings in his life. It was a good life, he had a job he loved, he was well-thought of, and most of all, he was satisfied. Children were so beautifully innocent and pure. They all loved him, he was sure of that. And he loved them back, in his own way.

He exercised caution. He could not suppress his desires, but he controlled them as far as possible. Never too many kids from the same class, never kids who were close friends and likely to confide in each other. After a year, he shifted to a newly-established school with impeccable references. Now he handled both the senior and junior classes. He was never interested in teens. In their classes, he was only the teacher. In the other, he was both teacher and predator. Every child was different, special and exciting. Empty classes were easily available after the school hours. The only thing that was common was that they never talked about what he did. It bewildered him, but soon, it reinforced his sense of immunity. No one could harm him.

He enjoyed reading and music. Classics held a special fascination for him. Someday, he intended doing a doctorate. In music his taste was exactly the opposite; dance songs, rock and roll, the works. His teen students delighted in his knowledge about the latest trends, quite unlike their parents.

He always laughed and discussed about his ‘wanderlust’. That’s why he could never marry; his wife would go mad; he said. He actually hated travelling, but he had to. He never stayed in a school for a very long time. He made a quiet exit, armed with glowing recommendations. It was so simple. He wished people could know about clever and methodical he was. Soon, he moved to a different state. His experience helped him, in both teaching and otherwise.

Of course, he mused, sitting in that straight-backed, uncomfortable chair, it wouldn’t be so easy now. People are much more alert. Kids are smart. They know the realities, and they speak out easily. Public outrage was another factor. They didn’t understand his kind of love. Never had.

He sometimes was horrified at what he was doing, but he couldn’t stop himself. The lure of pleasure was too strong. And the children would never speak out. It was laughably easy. He knew there was a term for people like him, and it wasn’t a nice thing. But so easy! Then came the internet explosion, and with it the possibility of viewing pictures and videos. The idea didn’t appeal to him initially, it was nothing compared to the real experience. But sometimes it helped him when there was no other option. He also came to know some others like him. So he wasn’t alone! He never saved any files and erased all the sites from the computer history. Some of his senior students came to his house for extra classes and used his computer to download music as well, he couldn’t take any chances. They all adored him; they thought he was wonderfully different. The story was same in every school.

Every story has a twist, doesn’t it? Including real life ones. It came after almost seven years. It was right after he had transferred to a new school. He wasn’t intending to take any action for the first two months. He needed to build and cement his reputation as a good teacher; he needed the little ones to trust him. But he couldn’t resist her. She was the most attractive child he had ever seen. Honey coloured hair, fair skin, dimpled cheeks and cutely plump, she had a tag of adoring classmates at her beck and call. Eleven years old and she already had a saucy personality. God, she was so beautiful! He noticed some other things that made him slightly uncomfortable. She was unusually bright and talkative. She was popular, which wasn’t a good thing. He preferred quiet and unobtrusive ones. He valiantly resisted for a couple of weeks, but he lost his battle.

He held her back after class for talking during a test. After the bell rang, she said sorry and assuming that was it, starting walking off. He called her back. He remembered the way she was passive when he took her hands, the way she flinched later, and the way she fought. She fought! No one else had ever done that. They were too scared, too confused about what was happening. He had always been gentle, but this time, he was forced to be rough. She scratched him a number of times, and the anger and blood and the pain made it even more exciting. The girl had spirit. But of course, he won. He always won. Violating the inviolate was always exciting. Hadn’t Adam and Eve done it? Forbidden fruit does taste wonderful.

That’s why the ensuing events took him by surprise.

She didn’t come for the next two days. He soliticiously enquired about her from her friends. She wasn’t well, had a fever and unusual nightmares. She had been advised rest. When she returned to class, he gave her special attention, was wonderfully kind to her. It did disturb him a little to see her quiet and jumpy. Her personality had added to her allure. It caused him a momentary pang to see that it was lost.

The next time he saw her it wasn’t in school.

He went to a temple every alternate Friday. It was a childhood habit, preached by his parents, and he still followed it, though his parents were long gone. That’s where he saw her with her parents. As soon as she saw him, she started and began to cry. He had to hurry away even before he had completed his parikrama. But before going, he saw her sobbing and saying something to her concerned mother. He lost his head and sent in his resignation letter to the school the very next day. His first mistake. Actually, the second mistake. The girl herself was the first blunder.

It turned out that she was the daughter of a well-respected police officer. How ironic that the first time he slipped, it had the child of a policeman, and an honest and popular one at that. The child blurted out the entire truth to her shocked and revolted parents. It was then he started sensing the net around him, and its gradual tightening. The polite letter from the school authorities asking him to refrain from taking classes for the time being and attend a disciplinary hearing. The questions and the accusing stares. How could he do that to a little child? They all seemed to be asking the same question. He steadfastly denied any wrongdoing. But he had not anticipated the child’s courage in sticking to the story, and the anger and grief of her father, who used all his influence in getting him arrested.

What happened after that was a nightmare for him. The enquiries that traced his teaching career, the children being questioned, some still not saying anything, some finally breaking down with the shameful secret they carried around, that made them view every adult with fear. There really was no point denying it any further. He knew he could not hope for any understanding. His lawyer wanted to present a defence of psychiatric instability. But when the Fates are not with you, everything goes wrong. The State provided psychiatrist himself had a young daughter, and he could never quite view him with professional detachment. There was considerable public agitation; he was called a ‘monster’. The bottom line was that, after spending eight years fighting his case, exhausting all his accumulated wealth and listening to all the evidence damning him, he found himself facing the maximum imprisonment possible for child abuse. Seven long years in prison. Poetic justice for seven years of committing unspeakable crimes.

He never saw that beautiful little child again.

He didn’t wish to dwell on his years in prison; the disgusting living conditions, the appeals and petitions that all failed, the way he was treated as a leper by everyone. He had been released a few weeks earlier, and he went back to his house, from where he was arrested. He arrived considerably older, defeated, and with the realization that what he had done was awful. He had managed to banish Mr. Hyde. His arrival was headed by a media blitz and almost tangible hatred. He learnt that the child had grown up and lived in the same city, and to his intense surprise, she wanted to meet him. He was puzzled and interested.

And so he was sitting and waiting. He knew the media was waiting outside, but it was meant to be a private meeting. She was due to arrive any moment.

When she entered, he rose and half gasped. Her beauty had held wonderfully fast. She was a lovely young woman, with grace and indefinable elegance. He took it all in with a searching look, and then sat down. Waiting to hear what she had to say.

She seemed to be almost surprised on seeing him. He supposed he was changed, with gray hair, thinner and paler. What had she been expecting?

She was surprised. This wasn’t the person of her nightmares. This was a poor copy of the person who has shamelessly violated her and almost destroyed her. When she remembered that, her expression hardened from the initial surprise. She took the seat opposite him.

“It has been more than fourteen years. You remember, don’t you? I can never forget. I tried shrinks, medication, everything. The memories just wouldn’t go away. My first feeling was of utter shame. I thought I would keep quiet. But I knew what you had done was wrong. How could you? You were a teacher, and I enjoyed your classes. How could you have been such a monster?”

Was he supposed to answer? What could he say anyway? He still couldn’t understand why she had wanted to meet. Was this the siphoning off of the childhood hatred? He said nothing.

“For me, it was the beginning of an unending nightmare. The media attention, the furtive glances, the shame. I know now that it wasn’t my fault. But it took me a long time to move ahead. But I did”

“I fought back. I have a job; I have a husband who loves me and a daughter who is five years old. You tried to destroy me. But you couldn’t. I won.” She finished on a slightly triumphant note.

“So, is this why you wanted to meet me?” He was polite but incredulous. That was when the polished veneer cracked and he saw the ravages of a lost childhood, an innocence snatched away. And the naked hatred.

“I still have nightmares. My shrink said it might be helpful if I met you. She called it closure. Maybe I could just forgive you and move on. Bullshit. I know now that I can never forgive you. You killed my childhood. Thank God I spoke up, otherwise how many more lives you would have played with. You didn’t deserve to live.” She spat out the words.

“At least I can now protect my daughter against scoundrels like you. You’re sick. Not even an apology for what you did. Go to hell.” And she was gone, leaving the faint smell of her perfume behind.

He tried to take stock of what happened. It had been too quick. Shrinks, really! The ideas they had! It had been so stupid. All at once he bitterly blamed himself for his deeds. He really deserved going to hell. He closed his eyes, and the woman’s picture came back to his mind. She had looked so lovely. Her childhood picture blended with the present one. What had she said? She was married? Yes, and also that she had a young daughter. He was curious as to her daughter. Was she as pretty as her mother had been? The same honey coloured hair, the same dimple? When he tried to picture her in his mind, something stirred deep inside him, some desire he had long since suppressed. He tried to distract himself, but his mind wouldn’t let him be. ‘Such a beautiful child.’ That same voice in his mind. ‘What pleasure it would be to possess such beauty, such innocence… ’

Mr. Hyde was back.

childhood revisited :-)

2008-03-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?
I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride
A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Now I'm in a whole new world with you
Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky
A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be
A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you
A whole new world
That's where we'll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me...

this is a song from aladdin. i've been obssessed about watching some of my favourite disney flicks again, but no time or resources for that. sigh. love this song. cute video too. you can check it out on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDj_Rdx1P8Q&feature=related
while at it, i'd recommend checking out the tracks from the little mermaid/ beauty and the beast/ lion king as well. i'd never be too old for delighting in these movies and their happily ever after theme :-)
so long!

recommendation repeated/and some tidbits

2008-03-22T06:02:00.000-07:00

just finished with my family and other animals. it is by far the best book i've read in a while (barring agatha christie's autobiography) . because twas holi, we had guests at home and my howls of laughter apparently made them think i was in the grip of temporary insanity. what a life gerry durrell lived! i'd sell my soul twice over(but who'd buy?!) for the chance to encounter the paradise he did. it wasn't with a little envy that i read about animals and flowers i'd never get to see myself. add to that his somewhat eccentric family and the incredibly long list of pets (have you ever heard of dogs named widdle and puke? or a lizard named geromino?) and you have a jewel of a book, emanating sparks of jolly british humour and the radiance of pretty good literature.
holi sans colour went off pretty well. servant's been bunking for the last couple of days, so sis and me mournfully got down to some of the more unpleasant chores (washing a tottering pile of dishes, throwing out the smelly garbage, sweeping the floor clean of hair and dust. and rescuing clothes hung on the clothesline before bangalore decides it's time for a bath.again) i told sis that i've been wishing to break some glass for a while for satisfying my usually dormant destructive instincts. she obligingly upset the sauce bottle on my behalf. then her friends came over and when i saw her getting attacked with lurid shades of purple and green, locking myself in my room seemed the safest bet. when i finally let myself out, i saw a dishevelled woman who very nearly looked like the sibling i knew. only that she was coloured in rather fantastic shades and wore an egg as a sort of crown on her head. i tried combating the stink in the house with room freshener, but the only result was an even more revolting odour. ah well, you cant win always :P
lunch and tea concluded, am revelling in the newly revived audio system. studies? er... what's that? i wish people understood gerry's and my point of view : i like being half-educated. life's so much more full of surprises that way :-)
all in all a great day. and sis still looks like half a goblin :P
cheerio!

life as of now

2008-03-20T06:12:00.000-07:00

reading : read nadia's song and then ladies coupe. not quite chick lit, but women oriented novels both. quite enjoyed them. also read a ruth rendell book called a sleeping life. not quite my type. reading christie's and mary higgins clark has spoilt me and now any other suspense writer seems below par. started with a couple of scientific books (the double helix and the dance of the molecules) but what is it about me that i need a plot to sustain my interest? left both books midway through; abandoned for the time being. bought myself four books in the last couple of weeks (ah! can happiness be anything else?) but right now in the middle of gerald durrell's my family and other animals. superb writing. and hilarious. kind of a cross between joy adamson and PG wodehouse. great stuff.

listening to : the usual. have gone back to sona mahapatra's music. listened properly to tere ishq nachaya for the first time and LOVED it. this woman should go far. also listening to and singing a lot of old bangla classics (why am i singing? well, bangalore's witnessing a lot of power cuts of late and i always sing in the dark. don't try to figure it out!) havent heard too much of new for a while. the computer audio not working is a major problem. and mp3 player has only the songs i already know and love.

went out for a friend's birthday treat on 19th and just had the bestest time. college finished a couple of hours early (yeah. my college finished early. wonders would never cease!) hit a favourite joint, pigged out, then went to coffee day. tried the so-called award winning kaapi nirvana. okay, so the coffee bit is not bad. but the chocolate vermicelli doesn't taste like chocolate and the ice-cream smells of hazelnut, which i dont like. and to top it all off, apparently these things were "extras" so an already expensive coffee became a downright exorbitant 115 bucks! ouch ouch ouch. i'd rather watch a movie with this kinda money! spent a lot of time in blossom (my favourite bookshop in bangalore) and bought 3 books. and of course, spending time with ayo, reeti and deepu away from college is always fun! in college we're too stressed to appreciate each other :P

speaking of movies, i really really wanted to watch enchanted but didn't get the time. watched dus kahaniyan recently. surprisingly enough, i liked as many as six or seven of the stories. rice plate featuring shabana and naseeruddin is a classic. decent watch overall. also caught the tail end of casper on HBO. this movie would remain my all-time favourite forever. casper still makes me go awwwww :)

am having a sudden spurt of health niggles. a persistent kind of backache troubling me, and my neck and shoulders paining from time to time. i have a feeling my BP's gone up a bit, but am scared to check. who has high blood pressure at the age of nineteen?! sigh. now that college's over, things would sort themselves out. hopefully.

yeah. college's finally over. 2nd year almost done. 20 days' break, and then exams. then home, and then IIT for a month. do i still know where am headed career wise? naah! do i even know if i want to continue with science? nope. so, am i clueless? absolutely! was rather enthusiastic about the idea of dropping a year post graduation and dabble in some social organization/ print media work, but then my scholarship would be taken away and i dont think i want that. as much as i hate to say it, i've gotten used to the money coming in and not asking my parents for any allowance. my latest 12k instalment has also come in before time so am rich right now (i luurve IISc. and the govt. and DST... :P) would buckle down and do some serious thinking in the next couple of months. i dont want to get stuck doing something simply because i let things drift. my parents, God bless them, would eventually support me in whatever i decide. the trouble is the me-taking-decisions bit. heh

thinking about : about faith and relationships. how the two are inextricably interlinked. how quickly lack of faith can erode a seemingly perfect relation. it's pretty sad. also realized that being truthful is important. am glad am such a pathetic liar! will probably get back to this topic later.

so that's that for now. looking forward to late night studying (the only time i can almost say i love doing it) coffee breaks. waking up late. catching up with my extra-college life.

cheerio everyone. almost peace :-)

recommendations : sona's self-titled album. gerald durrell's my family and other animals. nadia's song by soheir khashoggi. ladies coupe by anita nair. casper. dus kahaniyan. rolls at kaati zone (slurp). lasagna and cafe mocha at sweet chariot (slurp slurp) =)

a tribute long overdue

2008-03-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

i have not the slightest idea how i missed the news in 2006. after all, he was my hero, my idol. the one man who made me believe that even i could touch the sky and paint my dreams with the colours of reality (whatever happened to the dreams and reality is of course, a separate issue)

his name was Dr. Fred Epstein and i discover almost 2 years later, to my great shock, that he died in july'06 of melanoma. he was one of the finest paediatric neurosurgeons. ever.

i dont remember when i first heard of him. i think it was the book feature in reader's digest that started off with "i don't accept children dying." what followed was a truly inspirational story of how a boy with learning disabilities challenged all odds and went on to operate on supposedly inoperable brain stem and spinal cord tumours, giving life to countless kids. he won every laurel possible, but the enduring image for me would be Dr. Epstein sitting on a patient's bedside, smiling and asking her about what music should be piped into the operating room during the surgery. the little girl chose the lion king theme. the little girl survived :-)

that he died of cancer himself seems a cruel twist of fate. however, i doubt if he would ever be forgotten in the history of medicine. it was he and Dr. Elizabeth Blackwell who made me wish to be a doctor. that dream bit the dust, but their lives and work would continue to inspire me.

take a bow, doc. you are missed :-(

the news link : http://www.nytimes.com/2006/07/12/nyregion/12epstein.html

2008-03-08T03:22:00.000-08:00

makes for nice viewing no? a great couple of weeks for indian cricket. virat kohli's young guns (bottom) and dhoni's boys (top) both came good when it mattered most. and ponting is certainly an astute reader of the game. he said that 3 finals wouldn't even be needed, and he was so right! lol

tis a good time to be an indian cricket fan. am curious about the IPL format. let's see if it's worth the big bucks...

women's day

2008-03-08T02:59:00.000-08:00

why being a woman is great:

symmetrical 23rd chromosome. no XY confusions, thanks very much :-)

we get to dress up all we want. pity poor men who don't really have a choice. we can wear their clothes and get away with that,too!

without us, men wouldn't be around to begin with. now that's an empowering thought.

bad moods can always be blamed on PMS :-D

since women are supposed to bitchy anyway, we can gossip all we want.

we have a more evolved brain (i read it in a scientific article ages back, and i've clung to it ever since)

we are better at languages. and we can read maps :P

why being a woman isn't so hot:

it's still not a fair world.

people still kill girl children. and the women "guilty" of bearing daughters.

crimes against women are on the rise.

people still think that women can't be as "smart" as men are.

and the somewhat insulting women's day celebrations. does it mean the other 364 days are men's days?!

i've grown up with 2 elder sisters and parents who always encouraged me to reach for the stars. being a young woman is both exciting and a little scary, and i hope the best is still to come!

so long :-)

grr grr rambles

2008-03-08T02:23:00.000-08:00

everything feels like work. not only do i have to finish and submit my zoology record on tuesday (that's about 30 diagrams, give or take 5), i have a dance video shoot tomorrow morning. i had an exam and a event documentation today and was in college for more than 5 hours, so that's a seven day work week. ugh. add to that a couple of dvds waiting (scooby doo's and a beautiful mind), a couple of books (the double helix by the watson, and the dance of molecules by ted sargent) and a book in progress (nadia's song by soheir khashoggi), the fact that am beating myself up every time i succumb to chocolate or anything else equally tasty and fattening, and i've heard absolutely no good music for the last couple of weeks. URGHH! and i wont even start on how my exams are barely a month away and am completely clueless. and how my room needs to be cleaned. and my clothes need to be sorted. and i need to find and file all my notes.

and not lose my sanity in the process.

blue.blue.blue.

so long! :-(

and to continue...

2008-03-04T06:54:00.000-08:00

that article in TOI is already archived and hence that link doesn't work the way it's supposed to. but it was an article in Times Life! by a closet gay. the anguish of the writer was apparent. it also reminded me of a crackdown by pune police (was it pune? some city) on a party hosted by a gay association, about a month earlier. the high point seemed to be the seizure of a large number of condoms from the venue. jeez, and i thought the government is supposed to encourage safe sex!
homosexuality certainly isn't the norm. if that had been the case, the human race would've gone out of business much earlier. that said, however, i do NOT understand homophobia. the way people people flinch at the mention of gays and lesbians is both narrow-minded and unfair. it's a free world, and we can all choose to live the way we want to. if a certain section of population thinks that they get attracted to their own gender, that's there business, innit?
what's even stranger is the legal prohibition of homosexuality in India. the law which considers it amoral is absolutely archaic. with a sizeable gay population in the country, it must be changed. and changed soon.
even the uproar against Dumbledore being revealed as gay was stupid. so what if he is? it doesn't diminish his stature as one of the heroes in Harry Potter. as for the influence on kids, we can't wish away homosexuality, can we? what's so horrible about them being acquainted with the reality? it's not like knowing about it would make them "turn gay"! is that possible?
the Catholic church also has issues with this. come to think of it, they seem to have a lot of problems with everything from abortion (even when it is a medical necessity) to divorce (a deeply unhappy marraige is a better option?) considering their latest ruling says God must be considered as our father and no feminine representations are acceptable, i don't think their objections are founded in modern reality.
even if we don't approve, let's all be a little more tolerant?
cheerio!

a fistful of stardust

2008-03-04T06:13:00.000-08:00

I press against the glass

It's so cold.

But I forget, as I watch entranced

Diamonds. So close,

Yet elusive, just out of grasp...

Snagged on the black fabric

of a cold winter night.

Cold brilliance.

White heat?

beautiful.

Run away, reality.

This is my own private fantasy.

My slice of heaven.

I ignore a freezing nose,

I watch

with untiring eyes.

Some are bold and brazen,

flaunting their flashy radiance,

their almost painful dazzle.

Some are shy, half-hesitating,

twinkling in and out of existence.

I thrill in discovery

of cunning little patterns

hidden, only for me?

I revel in the joyful certainity

This is one never ending romance :-)

this is what happens when can't keep my mind on goings-on in class!

forced hiatus over!

2008-03-03T09:49:00.000-08:00

murphy's law certainly holds good everywhere. the day my internals got over, my internet connection said goodbye for 6 long long days. a lot of good post ideas got lost. damn!

for the moment, here's a link i thought is pertinent.

http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Daily/skins/TOI/navigator.asp?Daily=TOIBG&login=default&AW=1204567321265

click on the article named "Love me for who I am"

will discuss the same in the next post.

so long people. cheerio. sure's good to be back :)

word of the day

2008-02-25T03:03:00.000-08:00

Skedaddle: meaning to run away; scram; leave in a hurry; escape.
american expression. came up during the beginning of Civil war. origin unknown and hence interesting :)
i would've included the word "Scooch" as well, but then i didn't quite like all its meanings. this blog is family friendly :P

exams again

2008-02-25T02:44:00.000-08:00

what is it about my college that the administration and faculty are so in love with tests, exams, projects, assignments, vivas and all the rest of it?? we as student would complain, naturally (fundamental right of every human being condemned to study :P) but even my parents think my college goes a tad overboard with its enthusiasm for examining our knowledge. that shows you, doesn't it?
so it's back to the notes, back to the anxiety, back to hangdog expressions early in the morning ("i swear am gonna flunk this exam... i am SO screwed...i can't understand her portions at all... i'll probably end up attempting half the paper. and so on and so forth) back to late nights, and happily, back to more coffee :)
i LOVE this beverage. expresso, cappucino, black with sugar, macchiato, mocha, latte... you name it, i love it. any which way. that's why post college has me subtly encouraging my friends to head to sweet chariot for a li'l coffee, and a lot more adda :)
that's why i loved this article here.
http://www.beliefnet.com/nllp/ChickenSoupSoul.aspx?date=2-15-2008&WT.mc_id=NL49
totally identify with it. coffee is right up there in my list of favourites.
so long people. cheerio. will put up some proper posts post-tests (okay, i didn't intend that!)

the funny thing called friendship

2008-02-19T08:53:00.000-08:00

some have it, some don't. time for me to accept i'll always belong to the second group. gets a little depressing though.

according to reports, i was quite a brat in junior school. even then, i remember having a lot of friends. my best friend was this girl A. but that didn't last long. we were both very opinionated and had terrifically short tempers. so it ended in fireworks. then S and me were the new "best friends" . we bonded over dance, shared giggles (we were the most progressive girls in class VI, being the first ones to have a crush on a senior. at any rate, the first to own up to it :P) and loads of sighing for our objects of naive worship.

then i had to shift to kanpur.

i probably cried enough to fill up a small lake, but strangely enough, S didn't keep in touch at all. i was so angry, so hurt, so surprised. thankfully, a time came when it didn't matter to me any longer (i think she wrote to me once in those 5 years) i loved my school, loved my new friends. that was, i think, the best time of my life. my closest pal was P, a girl who epitomized joie de vivre. the way our friendship soured was so weird that now it makes me laugh. we'd gone for this school trip to varanasi. i got a little jealous of the time she spent with other friends, and didn't speak to her properly. we had the same room, along with another friend, and in the middle of the night, they both disappeared and locked the door from outside! thankfully, someone came to rescue me. while we are in touch again now, am not sure i've forgiven her for that yet :

after we headed splitsville, kinjal graduated from being friend, to good friend, to finally the closest pal i had. she's the one who doesn't let me believe, once and for all, that friendship is all bunkum. no complains there yet (touchwood) we are still very good friends and she's someone i can easily confide in. but life being as it is, we have been in different parts of the country for the last 4 years. sure hurts :(

high school was pretty loaded. that was my first brush with artificiality. that one could be as sweet as honey in front of me and bitch behind my back in a difference of 5 mins. some of the bitching reasons were strange too. apparently, a girl didn't like me because i smiled too much. someone who smiles as much as i do must be fake. hmm, so being happy is a crime! some other things i heard was that i flirted with the guys (ah, that smile again!! :P) and some said i have 5 boyfriends and therefore must be totally immoral (how on earth does one manage 5 guys at a time?!)

but there was this guy who i thought was different. we bonded really, really well. for more than a year, we were inseparable. even during my first year in college, we were in constant touch, and i missed him almost as much as i missed my parents. happy ending? heck no. he has a girlfriend now, and he has no time :-)

i had no expectations from college. i'd been hurt too often. but i thought they were nice. sometimes they are, but sometimes, they are so maddening that i wonder if they even think of me as a friend. or maybe expecting them to look out for me is too high an expectation. i do it, and i probably will do it whatever happens, but everyone isn't as big an idiot as i am.
that's of course, my side of the story. and considering am in a bad mood this post mustn't be taken too seriously. however, i am resigned to the fact that someone who'd care for me, simply because i am me isn't around. might never be. sigh.

overdosed!

2008-02-13T08:08:00.000-08:00

i've refrained from updating the blog for quite a while now. mostly to keep up with the bewilderingly fast changes in my own life. from being a sworn singleton (gah!who wants the hassle of a relationship?!) to falling for someone in the most improbable and impractical fashion (long distance, never met, don't talk too often, something easy going, enjoyable and nice) so for the first time, when i do have a valentine, complaining about the "v'day" seems slightly strange. but then again, i am a strange girl!
i tried watching television. got put off by all the adverts for the "special day". tried the radio, if anything, the situation is worse. in half an hour i think i heard 2 songs and a million mushy commercials. went to archies today for buying my sister's birthday card. was buried under revolting pink frilly hearts and chocolates and huge "u'r my darling" kinda cards. hastily escaping (from that and crowds of people buying the aformentioned articles), i was stupid enough to consider buying flowers for the living room. rose prices were triple of the normal rates. i returned home, defeated :P
i really have no objections to the festival of love. i plan to wish my parents and siblings first thing in the morning because i love them the best in this world. but does it have to be... well, so in your face and commercialized? frilly hearts as gifts would just depress me. i'd rather get calls from people who care for me, and a poem/ thoughtful cards (with no hyperbolic statements) would score much, much higher in my book. still, i suppose this is how it works best for most people. grumblers and killjoys like me would just have to lump it :-)
something both amusing and exasperating after that tirade : my conscientious college has banned us from wearing red, green and white tomorrow. the cell phone ban is also to be enforced strictly for this one day. apparently, girls never meet their boyfriends attired in blue or brown or black, and none of them know how to use the many pay phones in the vicinity of the college. some things really make no sense whatsoever!
wish you all love-filled and joyous day tomorrow. remember to wish your family too :-)
cheers!

funny!

2008-02-07T06:11:00.000-08:00

http://www.beliefnet.com/nllp/ChickenSoupSoul.aspx?date=2-03-2008&WT.mc_id=NL49

i hope you enjoy it too.
cheers!

reading list

2008-02-05T06:59:00.000-08:00

just finished with the divide by nicholas evans (the horse whisperer guy). hauntingly sad story. one read definitely recommended.

our college has a number of peculiar rules. not least of which is that we are allowed to borrow fiction from the library only on tuesdays. that too, we can only take one book at a time. i smell a snub, which seems to imply that if left to ourselves we shall immerse ourselves in fiction and never do any reference work. that is massively stupid, considering we are all above 18 and hence trust-worthy adults (at least in such little things!!) not only that, very few people actually enjoy reading anyway. whatever be the case, some of us book lovers stocked up for the week to come. i took shadow lines by amitav ghosh, and agatha christie's an autobiography (on someone else's card) would also borrow ladies coupe (anita nair) and a pg wodehouse omnibus from other friends. looking forward to a lot of late nights :-)

er... in case my dad's reading this, am studying too. honest!! :-)

cheerio!

would some things never change?

2008-02-05T06:19:00.000-08:00

we had a pretty serious discussion today in english class about the distasteful incident that took place on new year's eve in mumbai. two NRI women were molested by a mob outside a hotel as prestigious as JW Marriott. some of the particularly disturbing facets of the case :
1) no case filed for more than 24 hours (what exactly were the police doing? napping? possibly enjoying the whole spectacle?)
2) the commissioner saying it was "just an offence". (just an offence?? mister, would you have said the same thing if it had been your relative in the middle of the mob?! truly disgusting)
3) shiv sena folks saying the mob was composed of "outsiders" and they were tarnishing the image of mumbai (nothing to say, except... grow up!)
4) a truly peculiar letter to the editor which said "no one could be blamed in particular...there are perverts all around... women just have to be more careful... police couldn't have done anything..." and such like shit. how convenient. so basically, the onus is always on the female. the fault is always ours. get educated. and get real. and accept the fact that some men simply haven't evolved enough to be labelled human beings.
5) the initially responsible to later insensitive and voyeuristic media. the video of these women were shown day after day, hour after hour. don't they deserve some privacy after their harrowing experience?
6) and last but not the least, the fact that everyone has forgotten and moved on.

we heard a similar horror story from a fijian classmate who was guilty of going to a club with her friends on new year's eve. apparently, while the pinching/groping/commenting was going on, the police quietly watched from afar. refused to help these "outsiders"... atithi devo bhava, anyone? the image of bangalore as a safer city also suffered a severe dent.
am so, so, so ashamed.

aren't we ever going to be allowed to live life on our own terms? can we never go out and enjoy as we please? wear the clothes we want? or are these demands so unfair, the other gender will continue to perpetrate these heinous crimes (okay, am not generalising. many guys are decent. but some manage to do enough to make them all seem culpable.) ? do we get raped/ assaulted/ molested in our heads every single day? do we just always move on?

disasters.

2008-01-31T05:31:00.000-08:00

calling me a super klutz would be an understatement. the things i do leave me bewildered at times, but it's a good thing that God gave me a sense of humour :)
i HATE making projects. somehow, the stated aim of these damned things (reading beyond curriculum, independent research, having fun) never seems to work for me. the last time i enjoyed making a project was way back in 11th standard; it was on stellar evolution. if projects weren't graded i wouldn't even bother to do them. but they are, worse luck.
this semester we have a surfeit of zoology assignments/projects/call them what you will. one was all about photographing weird animals (that saw me chasing peacocks, camels and woodpeckers throughout my trip to rajasthan), then there was one about the cell cycle. the last one was a chart on the geological time scale. if you want proper information about it, check wikipedia or some such good source. suffice to say it traces the evolution of flora and fauna through the various eras. i kept it pretty basic, but then one of my bright ideas struck. i thought, why not colour the eras differently so that they can be distinguished? good idea? only in theory. like a complete twerp, i used oil pastels to colour them! now my writing is entirely illegible! and a 5 year old would've coloured more evenly. after staring at the ruin for a couple of minutes, i decided i simply could not do it again. brighter solution? i practically gift-wrapped the chart. the wrapping... ah, now that's a work of art. if that were to be graded, i would get full marks. on the chart, am getting a big fat zero :-( :P

the other disaster?
after a couple of weeks of being compelled to wear salwar suits for dance practice, today we could finally wear what we want (i LOVE wearing indian clothes. it's the compulsion that bugged me.) so to celebrate my "freedom" i wore... a chikan kurta. long black cutoffs. flip flops. bug earrings (copper coloured bees :P) . i would've gone to the beach, except that bangalore doesn't have any, and i can't afford to miss any more classes. and i actually went out for coffee with friends in this supremely mismatched ensemble (did i mention by school bag and sipper? :P) aren't you glad you weren't seen with me?!

all the same, it's good to laugh at myself and moi foibles. if we could all do that, life would be a whole lot simpler :)

take care everyone. stay well!

a general update

2008-01-28T08:14:00.001-08:00

reading : finished with tipping point by malcolm gladwell. i've read blink earlier and loved it better, but this was not half bad. if i hadn't read it, how would i ever know about the ways in which sesame street became such a huge hit? (for the record, i don't remember ever watching SS. so i never said the book is anything but very american, but it's an interesting and engaging read)
also finished message in a bottle by nicholas sparks. this guy knows best how to make me cry, and this book wrung out loads of tears :P but unlike mills and boons, which are both inane and com-pleatly unbelievable, message... manages to remain real. that's a big compliment from someone who doesn't even read too many love stories.
gonna start with the moon and sixpence by somerset maugham soon. i've loved all his short stories, so hoping to enjoy the novel as well :)

listening to : am listening to exactly nothing new. the damn speakers of the damn computer have stopped working for some mysterious reason, and while i would've tried tinkering around to fix it myself, the last time i tried doing that with this PC, i got an electric shock strong enough to numb my fingers for a while. i don't blame myself for being gun-shy!
to add to my musical woes, my mp3 player, all of 3 months old, has half conked out. translated to mean, only one side of the headphones is working. and even that sounds scratchy. not something i would've expected from philips :-( and i don't have any time to go to a service centre... waa waa waa :-( :-(
amidst this struggle, the only couple of tracks i remember liking on vh1 (the tv's still working...thank God for small mercies) are black coffee and lips of an angel. by whom, i don't remember.
hate this limbo.

watched recently: princess diaries (again!!) halla bol (very, very predictable) , jab we met (again!!!) the omen(tacky as hell. but the plot i read on wiki for the first part, and the curse of the omen, did scare me a fair bit) next up is patch adams.

tomorrow.is.teh.big.day. after missing classes for God knows how many weeks, getting yelled at by the weirdest people, suffering through bad company (okay, there were good things- like missing classes, getting extensions for project submissions, college sponsored food... i never said it was a total nightmare!) we finally take the stage for our dance drama at 6 pm. wish me luck!

PS : poor fed and nadal. am sure they weren't expecting to not make it to the finals. glad maria sharapova has won (she's only a year older to me and she's won three grand slams and with the last one she pocketed more than a cool $1.2 million. what the hell am i doing with my life?!) wish bhupathi and sania had won the mixed doubles though. and at a time when few things australian please me, it was good to note that the prize money for the men's and women's singles champions was the same. yoo-hoo for gender equality :-)

for all those who are as jobless as i am, you can check out the curse of the omen on wikipedia (i love thee, wiki :P). and if you have some more time to waste, you can also check fatgrrl.com. wickedly funny women!
so long. ta-da